After the funeral

Hello 

Let me be the first to welcome you onto this forum. Sad though isn't it that we got to this ? You got through the funeral and now you are alone. Numb is how I felt, and for days afterwards. You almost are on auto pilot dealing with all the arrangements and practical things, then when that is done, you think what now ? I am nearly two years down the line, and there are days still, where I can't get going at all. Part of the process, and all is " normal " Although that word I don't really like. Nothing will ever be the same again that is certain. Change and time are the only ways to cope. Don't try to keep it from your friends and family. You need someone to cry with, talk with a good listener, to walk with, or just sit quietly with for companionship . Shout out your pain. It needs to come out. Don't bury it within you. I have only just realized that I was doing just that. Anger was my problem and it manifested into a horrible facial rash that lasted for 5 months. I have been going to therapy and complementary medicine has really helped me. But, it has all taken time. The magic word. It is too early for you yet. I do understand.

We all do here, and you will find much support as and when you want.

Stay strong and hold on.

Hugs and more hugs are there.

Hello Bluedays!

Nice to see you here although not a nice place to be. Yes I get what you are feeling. I am only weeks away now from my husband's 1st anniversary of his passing. He passed on 23rd June last year (2023) after an almost 2 year fight with bowel cancer. He got his tumour cut out in January 2022 and was more or less told it was gone but it wasn't. I asked at one of his post op oncology appointments should he not get extra chemo or radiotherapy just to make sure but was told it wasn't necessary as they had got it all. Fast forward five months later to May 2022 when he had a follow up appointment with his surgeon and she took bloods from him. A few weeks later he got a letter to say his CEA markers had risen and that they were requesting a further CT scan which confirmed the cancer was back. Further chemo sessions made him very ill and eventually had to be withdrawn due to kidney damage which resulted in him having to get a double nephrostomy procedure to help his kidneys drain properly. Further bouts of sepsis followed ( he had 4 ) and it was the 4th bout along with his advancing cancer that took him on 23rd June 2023. The early days are the worst I won't kid you, but to me it's still `early` even though it's coming up for a year without him. There are still days I wonder why I am getting out of bed and there are still things I have been `meaning` to do, but just never get round to them or just can't find the incentive to do them. I look after my older sister who has learning difficulties also. She too got a bowel cancer diagnosis only two months after my husband passed but luckily hers was caught very early and they have been able to cut hers out and she is making good progress with her recovery. Ironically she had breast cancer 5 years ago and beat that too. She lives in sheltered accommodation within walking distance from me. She can do for herself to an extent, but needs me for things in authority banking, insurances hospital visits things like that. 

My husband and I were together for 40 years and it is hard to try to navigate life on your own after having someone at your side all those years but hopefully in time I'll learn to live with it. I have a little dog so he is my reason for getting out of bed in the mornings as he needs to be walked. Sometimes you may forget what day it is. For me there is no Monday, Tuesday Wednesday etc or weekends. Just days that morph into one another like it was during covid. It's good to come on here and just offload at times when you feel you need to because everyone `gets it` and can identify with what each other is going through. Please do contact the helplines here whether through telephone or chat facility. I got 6 free counselling sessions with Marie Curie through MacMillan and they helped. Just having someone phone you maybe once a week to check in with you helps just having that someone to speak to on how you are feeling. My best wishes to you moving forward on this horrible journey we are all on. Take Care. 

Vicky xx

I know how you you feel, I can't see my way forwards. There is such a big hole and nothing fills it. Day by empty day.

Red Cardinal

I hear you Red Cardinal. Spot on with that one. No matter how much you try to stay `busy` and `occupied` you still just feel `empty`. Take Care. 

Vicky xx

Hello there. 

We understand here very well. You sound very distraught though. Do you have friends and / or family ? Please do get some help. Let someone know you are feeling this bad.

Hugs and keep posting on this. It really helps. You are not alone.