A familiar story

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Hello everyone, here goes my story. We got together 14 years ago, were married 4 years later. Just before our first wedding anniversary, she was diagnosed with an occular melanoma, b******d cancer. This meant 6 monthly scans for the rest of her life.

At the beggining of lockdown a scan came back with a worry, the scan was on the liver, but they picked up a lump in her breast, cancer again.

Got treatment for that and just after it was signed off by the doctors, a small mole type blemish which was on her liver changed shape, yes it returned. I am not going to talk you through what happened as you don't want boring with all the detail but we fought it together for 3 years before, on the 12th January this year she slipped away aged 60.

We did everything together, my whole life revolved around hers as did her around me. We did more in the years together than I did in my previous 30, inseparable we were.

I have had a bit of a read through this forum already and can see there are many stories similar to mine, I know I am not alone in the grief I feel. Doesn't really help you feel any better though does it, knowing others are in painful grief won't make mine go away. not that I want it to if I am honest, the pain reminds me how much I do still truly love her and miss her.

I could put cliché after cliché but they mean nothing . Every morning just getting out of bed is a chore, cooking, housework basically everything means moving. I know evvery version of bangers and cash off by heart now, I watch that and similar stuff because it's basically void of emotional content so nothing in there to make me sadder than I am.

Sorry I am wittering now, looking for something to write that gives reason to my situation but like many of you, I am struggling to accept my situation. I just want to wake up one morning to find is was just an awful dream.

I think if it wasn't for my grandkids I would literrally just give up to it, but I love them all dearly, see my beloved wife in them and they are the only thing keeping me going right now.

Anyway, like I said it's a familiar old story. Take care everyone, nothing in life prepares you for this does it?

Cheersw, Steve

dipsy21 20 days ago

Hi Steve, You are right nothing can prepare you for the terrible pain grief leaves you with, it is like your heart has been ripped out and smashed into smithereens. Nothing in life will ever be the same again now that person who was the other half of us is gone. There does seem little meaning to life now, apart from the brief time we get to spend with family, but we still have to go back to our lonely empty house again, and get back on the treadmill of existing. Every morning as you say waking up to find it is not a nightmare but reality. As with your wife my husband and i did everything together so that makes things even harder. People say you should do the things for the person that has died as well but i do not see that makes things any easier either. Take care.

SteveHeather 18 days ago in reply to dipsy21

Thanks for the reply dipsy21, after my wife passed and was laid to rest I went on a whistlestop tour of the lakes a week later, we visited there often.

I did find revisiting places we had been together quite cathartic in a way but it was very difficult too. Two weeks later I went somewhere completely new but that was pretty awful.

Just being at a new place on my own felt lonely, I would want to say, look at that before realising I would be talking to myself. Since then other than visiting friends or relatives I have found being at home, although on my own, is most comforting.

Thanks again, Steve

dipsy21 18 days ago in reply to SteveHeather

Hi Steve I am just about to go on my first holiday without my husband. I am going with a friend but obviously i would rather be going with my beloved, as would my friend whose husband passed away a month after mine. We are going to a place neither of us had been with our husbands. We are looking forward to going somewhere hot away from the miserable weather here, which does not help when you are feeling down anyway. My house will always be my sanctuary though as it is the place i feel the closest to him. Glad to hear you have managed to get away, I'm not sure if it is better to go to places you went together or new places, I suppose both are just as hard as the person you should be with is not there. Take Care. Wendy.

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