Today I'm a widow

1. firstly condolences it was very quick my wife of 46 years died beginning of November that was quick although she was diagnosed 4 years previously the last six weeks of her life the cancer took further hold and it went rampant I keep having moments it’s worse now because she was my primary carer I have multiple sclerosis and relied on her help

My Condolence to you Clancy.

I lost my husband Jay just 6 months ago in June this year to bowel cancer. He fought it for almost two years. Yes it's a hard thing to comprehend a life on your own and I'm still finding my way but I am hoping I will get there. I have lost my husband, best friend and soulmate of 40 years. I have done things in the last couple of months I never thought I could so amazed myself slightly. It doesn't compensate for the emptiness I feel just now though. We were each other's rock too he always told me he didn't know what he would do if It weren't for me. Always told me he loved me too. Always said I was the `brains` of our outfit. When he was dying I just could not contemplate life without him and at one point I didn't want to be here either if he wasn't going to be and things got a bit desperate for me. I am ok now though and realise that there are people here who still need me. My son and his partner and my little granddaughter for one and my older sister too. She has mental health problems and learning difficulties so relies on me for many things. Jay told me before he passed that I was stronger than I thought and I would go forward without him sometimes I find his words ringing true. I sometimes forget he is gone and sometimes if something happens I want to tell him about it hits like a wave and then I realise he is very much gone. I still feel I have a lot of grief still bottled up that I can't seems to let go of and can't get an outlet for. I feel I just can't cry for him and I want to but it never comes.  I have been forwarded for some bereavement support in the new year however, and hope this will help me. I have just about been managing on my own but feel I still need that little bit of support. My best wishes to you moving forward. Take Care. 

x

I am sorry for your loss. I so hate that word widow  as although my husband is no longer here, i am still his Wife. As everyone else my husband was my soulmate, best friend and my everything. We did everything together i and i just miss us. I know we have all been lucky to have someone to love and share our lives with, as some are not so fortunate, but it is never long enough, we all wish we had more time to say the things we still want to say over and over again. I hope you and his sister can help each other,  Best wishes.

I am holding your hand tonight. 

A heartfelt wish to say how sorry I am for your loss. You were loved and loved in return for so many years. That is certainly something.

Thinking of you and all our loved ones at this time.

Hugs are there for you 

Now it's day 11 and I'm not sure where those days have gone - the death had been registered, the funeral organised, probate applied for. I've cried a little every day but it feels like there is a dam holding back the tears and only a few leak out now and again.  I think I'm afraid of the dam busting and not being able to stop. I find I can't talk to him like others say they do - I feel as though I let him down by not being with him when he passed. Then I think he probably wouldn't have wanted me there.  I'm so confused.  I want to sort out and get rid of some of things he hoarded but then think it's too early and that I'm being disrespectful. I don't know what to do but imagine that others have gone through these feelings and I wonder how did they cope. I can't wish people a happy new year but I do wish people a peaceful and supportive new year. 

Hi Clancy, I'm so sorry that you find yourself here.  This is a great, very supportive group where you can say anything and get complete understanding from others.

The admin that you have to immediately deal with is immense and overwhelming, but it will all be sorted out in time.  Sadly it's something we have to do at the very worst time in our lives.

My partner, Nic, died almost three years ago and I've yet to have a good cry so please don't feel bad about the dam not busting.  I'm tearful all the time, but no big release yet.

Re sorting things out, this is such a personal thing and there is no timescale for doing it.  Nic was a hoarder and I also had loads of his parents stuff that he brought home after they died.  It's taken me until now to finally sort things out and I have felt guilty about moving on every bit of clothing, furniture and belongings, but it had to be done.

Please don't beat yourself up about all of this.  Take each day as it comes and if it takes time to deal with things then it does.

All best wishes to you and please come back here to chat if needed.  It really has been a lifeline for me and I'm sure you'll find lots of advice and support as you go through this journey.

Felicity 

Thank you 

Bless You Clancy!  I am still waiting for that dam to burst also and just hope it doesn't in an inappropriate place or time. Like you I get a little trickle every now and again but not the tsunami I feel should be happening. Just made it through my first Christmas without him and now tonight New Year's Eve will be my first without him also so will be raising a big glass of something to him. I have started to get rid some of his things clothes that he never wore and were still in wrappers with the tags they hold no sentimental value so it has not been a problem to part with these only the things that I have seen him in are harder to part with. He too was a hoarder always buying things that seemed a good idea at the time but then the notion wore off and said items got shoved in a drawer. I am still going through those drawers some days just opening them and closing them again. It's been 6 months for me and it has gone so quick but feels much longer. My best wishes to you moving forward and I wish you a Happy New Year and hope 2024 will be a better year for all of us. Take Care. 

Vicky x

Thank you for your replies.  It seems that 2024 will be a year off firsts for many of us.  I can't wish anyone a happy new year but u will wish you a peaceful and healing new year