First Birthday In 40 Years Without Him.

I am glad that you got through today and send my  best wishes to you.

Just wanted to say that you did really well getting through today and send you a hug. I am already dreading my birthday which is early on in December. I lost my husband in September and, for me, it will be my first birthday without him in 23years. So many 'firsts' to get through, aren't there? Sending you my warmest thoughts xx   

Thank you Wildcat and Georgie for your best wishes,

Yes its been a weird sort of day but I managed to get through it be it though that little bit sad. Yes Georgie it's all the `firsts` we have to go through. This is my first Autumn/Winter without him usually like this time of the year getting all `cosy` just sitting around in PJs watching TV in long nights etc but this time I am so aware of it because he is not here and the nights do seem that bit longer now. Just need to get Christmas over as I said. Not given that much thought but as long as I see my son and his partner and my little granddaughter on Christmas Day I will be happy. My best wishes to you both. 

xx

Hello 

Just wanted to say well done. The firsts are awful but you managed it. The run up to Christmas I hate, but always did.

The second for me now. Still not easy but maybe there is hope, always hope.....

Glad you have family to go to.. simple things too.

Love and hugs 

Hi, the firsts are very hard to deal with, even birthdays of family members as we'd be in contact with them all in some way on the day.  This Christmas is my third without Nic.  The first year was awful.  I didn't want to spend time with anybody else as I would have felt under pressure to be outwardly happy when it was the last thing I felt.  So I got some ready meals and wine and watched tv all day, feeling completely miserable and lonely.  Last year was better.  I was on my own again, but cooked a full Christmas dinner and upheld some of Nic's family traditions.  This year I'm on my own again, but am going all out.  Today I bought and decorated a tree, the first since Nic's last Christmas in 2020.  I'm cooking the full dinner and intend to have a lovely time.  Nic and his parents absolutely loved Christmas and wholeheartedly embraced it every year.  So I guess this year will be in memory of Nic and his parents and their love of the season.  Yes, I've made a lot of progress during the last three years, but Christmas is a pinch point for me and although I'm feeling positive about it, it will be a day of reflection and remembrance.

Take care everyone.

Thanks for that nicsmrs!

I have not given Christmas much thought even though it is only 3/4 weeks away. Seeing decorations and Christmas trees going up is actually bringing it all home to me that this is my first year without Jay in 40 years. He was a bit `bah humbug` and never really liked the Christmas holiday, but in the last couple of years began to mellow to it for the sake of our little granddaughter and in years gone by when our son was little he would get so excited just for him but in the years leading up to his illness not so much. I just wish I could be on my own on Christmas Day but I have my sister who lives on her own she has learning and mental health issues and has just been through bowel cancer surgery herself so it's been quite a year for me with losing Jay in June and then two months later my sister finding out she had a bowel tumour too. She is doing great though and her diagnosis was not as extensive as Jay's but just so `bittersweet` that she is still here and he is not. Yes I'm expecting an influx of `well meaning` people asking how I am at Christmas and I should be trying doing `this, that or the other blah blah blah` as long as I see my son, his partner and my little granddaughter that will make my day. Me n sis might just have one of those ready meals you spoke about or I may go all out and cook dinner who knows. Jay was always going `all out` at Christmas. Cooking was his thing and he just loved to make a big Christmas dinner for us all. Will just need to try to make the best of it this year being my first. 

Vicky xx

This will be my first Christmas without my darling Colin. He would cook the dinner if we were at home, and not away staying with a daughter. He used to be a chef. I used to prepare the food and he would then cook it. I have so many firsts i6 months in a row. October was my birthday, this month our wedding anniversary, then Christmas, January his Birthday, February valentines day, March the Anniversary of us renewing out wedding vows in the Maldives.  I put this mask on that everything is ok but inside i am slowly dying without him, the pain is as bad as it was 20 weeks ago today when i lost him, There just is no future without him, just one black tunnel.

I get you dipsy!

I try to stay as active as I can but some days everything is just an effort some mornings still takes me all my time to get out of bed. For all that I try to stay active though, I just feel so `empty` inside as though there is something missing and that `missing part` sadly left me 5 months ago never to return. But I soldier on in anycase. Gonna give some counselling a try I think. Really thought I was doing ok without him but I don't think I am so much. Just want to shake this empty feeling even though it is still `early days` and it's possible I'm still going through the greiving period. My best wishes to you. 

xx