Couples: I Feel Awful

Hey Torry!

Just joined this site too. Somewhere else to come to and relate to. Hope to get lots of support here as with the other site. Yes I'm just realsing that too that I will be going through the long winter nights on my own too. And all the `firsts` i'll be experiencing without him and he won't see. Usually this time now going into the 2nd half of the year we would be looking towards Christmas but I can't even think of that just now. I know he'll be somewhere around looking out for me along with all my other loved ones gone before. One way to look at it I suppose. 

Hi Pattyk still can’t believe Kevin has gone and expect him to come in any time soon. No I’m not thinking about Xmas at all - will be dreading it. Our wedding anniversary would have been in 12th this month so that’s another first without him. Going to councelling on Wednesday but think I might call it a day after that. I think this is just my life now 

Helen x

Time will heal us all. Its a corny saying but its true. Its just this bit that is the living hell. I have had a bad weekend, weekends are always worse for me somehow. I miss my partner so, so much, the thought of a future without her is almost too much to bear. The hospice have offered me counselling and therapy groups I havent gone yet I dont know if I will. I cant really see the point, it wont stop the pain and distress. I have bought some amazing books on amazon though which are little nuggets of comfort. Happy to share my reading list if anyone would like. I am so sick of crying, I really dont want to cry anymore, its so draining. Sending you all a hug xxx

Same here Helen!

I still look for him coming in the door or his big stupid face coming round the corner. He made me laugh so much he would just pull a face at me and I'd be in stitches or I'd say something daft and he'd pull a face and that would be it I'd be away in stitches. Right now it just feels he's working away somewhere and he will be home soon but he's not coming home this time unfortunately the only way he is coming home this time is in the hearse taking him to the crematorium. Oh poor you! you're anniversary next week! at least he got to just make ours on the 21st June before he passed that Friday. So many `firsts` though as I said he'll miss but I like to think he'll be somewhere around seeing them but it won't be the same. My downstairs neighbour is so sad that they won't make his funeral next week as they are going on holiday. In Glasgow next Friday it is the beginning of what we call the Glasgow Fair fornight when a lot of industries shut down for a fortnight and everyone goes on holiday it's not as popular as it used to be though and lots of works don't recognise it now but people still take the fortnight off. So ive told her not to fret about it Jay would not have wanted them to give up their holiday they've probably saved hard for all year just to go to say goodbye to him. He helped her husband a lot with building his shed in his garden etc and we bonded well over the covid period sitting out in our back gardens getting drunk etc because there was nothing much else to do back then.  Funny how things turn out because when they moved here we never really got on at the start and in these houses you really do need to try to get on with your neighbours as the walls are paper thin and you hear just about everything going on and the design means you are more or less practically living on top of one another imagine a semi-detatched but it's two flats. I'll get through everything though hopefully.

Yes it’s hard - seem ok then something just starts me off. I was reading about a girl who was taking something if her grandads on the MacMillan walk so he would be with her, I started crying thinking what a lovely idea so going to take a photo of Kevin with me so he is along side for the walk. It just upset me that he isn’t here for any of the things I’m doing as we were together most of the time. Don’t realise how much he did, I have bought cement today and attempting to mend the step outside the French doors when it stops bloody raining. Friend came and put a new outside light up at the front door for the dark nights and kids want me to ge one of those doorbells that you can see who is there. The things we are having to do!!

same here as haven’t had a good laugh for ages and miss the daftness

Helen x

Yes a Ring Doorbell I've been contemplating getting one of those myself. I have a security light at my front door that works on a sensor but if anything it just lights up the path for people coming in and out. The car more or less sits at the door so its for that too. I've got lights at the back as well one on the shed and and another one on the wall a bit further up. Our downstairs neighbours have lights outside their doors as well so our whole area is more or less lit up in the dark which is good and with me being th upstairs flat I can look out the window and see if anyone is lurking about outside. It;s at that time of the year I will feel the vulnerability. Our street is really quiet as it's mostly older people who live here now and only a couple of kids.