When is the time right?

It's taken me a week to go out and post some letters,  I drive and can't walk far.  I then went for a wrap at the McDonald's drive thru and parked up and watched the world go by.  A lady was doing a shopping survey so she stopped at my car (window was open) and we had a good ole chat about allsorts!  So today I have had some interaction,  and I then came home and put the racing and/or tennis on.  And I'll probably not need to eat much later either.  I genuinely thanked that survey lady she never knew what a difference she made. :) 

I was out early doing a bit of shopping and on way back to the car someone shouted my name - friends I haven’t seen for ages and stopped and had a coffee and chat with them reminiscing. Home and not another word spoken probably until tomorrow or whenever. Long days

 Torry  Woods 

I don't have any magic ideas to help you both. 

The long empty hours alone are very hard. I always have the TV or radio on even overnight.  

I don't drive so am glad that you have that

I do drive. I've just gone back to it on the suggestion of my son and Jay. I wasn't able to drive for a long time being ill myself but I got the OK to go back to it again. It feels as though I have never been away from it but I am still taking it slow and still putting up the P plates I'll decide when the time is right I don't need them. Handy when you need to go into heavy traffic so you don't get hassled from other drivers. Well it finally happened.  The floodgates finally opened. I was looking after my little granddaughter this afternoon for a little while and William and Nicole came to pick her up and Nicole asked how i was feeling being on my own and really just now I don't think it has hit me yet. My sister has gone home for a couple of days and she will be back later next week for the funeral etc so this arrangement works. So I picked up a letter that was lying on the floor and it had Jay's name on it so then well, that was it I just went to pieces and think I now finally realise that I am on my own. It felt good though to get it out because I think it has been building all week and maybe just hit it's peak today and with everyone gone it just made me realise this is it this is how it's going to be from now on. I just hope I can adjust. Starting from next Monday (17th July) that will be the beginning I think of my `new life` without him but he'll never be forgotten and hopefully then I can start to move forward. 

xx

Oh Patty, I feel for you, it hitting home as you said.  Still, don't plan, don't necessarily think ahead " by so-and-so I'll be doing such-n-such".  Literally take each day as it comes.  I think having people to stay (with all good intentions)  can be a double-edged sword, because as you've realised you need that alone time for your own grief.  Even if you're close to relatives or friends you may subconsciously stop yourself from grieving properly in their presence.  I hope you get to enjoy driving again, you can go wherever you like and take time out, relax in the fresh air or find tranquillity somewhere just for you.  Sleep well.  Woods x 

Thanks again Woods!  I actually feel ok on my own but then as I said previously he always worked away from home but knew he was coming back but this time unfortunately he's not. I'm just going to start clearing things out gradually as you said today I'm just going to start clearing out a lot of useless clutter out of drawers etc things that don't really have a purpose for anything. It's making a start I suppose. I still put things in my wardrobe where I am forgetting I now have two wardrobes and can create a lot more room for myself but its just the daunting task of having to actually start doing all this so that is why it's best I do it a bit at a time. This is going to be a hard week for me but I'll take it as you say a day at a time. 

xx

Hello Patty, I've been thinking about you and hope you're doing ok.  I trust arrangements for Jay's funeral are going as you want.  It should be how you want it, I hope the cost isn't playing on your mind because (for once) it really doesn't matter.  It's an event you will never forget, you will look back and remember it as a tribute to the man you love.  My funeral director was 10/10 and their care and attention to detail took pressure off me and I felt I could rely on them to co-ordinate and do it exactly as I wanted.   

Because I can't afford the rent here on my own and I have to move people have been assuming I'll be heartbroken to leave "our home". I know it's different for everybody but I'll take my memories with me, and as I said, a few of Paul's things.  The point I'm making is everybody's experience is very personal and individual,  and you must do what is right for you my friend.   

Continuing to think of you, take care of you.  Love & Hugs, Woods xxx 

Hi Woods!

Just posted was at the funeral parlour today saying farewell to Jay one last time. They did him proud had him laid out beautifully with his Glasgow Rangers shirt on and his Rangers scarf saying Simply The Best. He didn't look like the Jay I remember though and just like some sort of shop dummy is the best way to describe it but I knew it was him.. Got a live stream link for the funeral I have heard from a few people who wanted to come to the funeral tomorrow but can't so it is handy to have and I can forward it on and they can at least be there virtually. I know these were very popular when going through covid and its a feature they decided to keep not just funerals but weddings as well I believe. Got his Jaffa oranges in as well so he has a couple to share with his dad when he gets up there. Just wanting tomorrow over now but I'm sure and hoping that everything will go well. The funeral directors we have used before for my dad and they were very competent. So hopefully by this time tomorrow I can breathe again.

Patty, I thought it was the 17th!  I am sure you have got everything in place and it will go well, and some nice very personal touches, good on you.  You'll be in my thoughts.  X 

I lost my wife 2 years ago to cancer, we had been happily married for 38 years. 9 months after she died I met a widow who had lost her husband to cancer,initially we supported each other but that support has turned into something really special between us and we have found love again. We share similar interests and enjoy each others company. I know I have been judged, particularly by my wife's close female friends who have made it clear that they think I am wrong and it is too early. We both have adult children, they were difficult at first but are now more accepting, I accept it will always be strange for them. I have felt guilt and it felt like I was being disloyal to my wife but I can now only look at it simplistically, I am enjoying a relationship with a very special woman, we are good for each other and make each other happy, what can be wrong with that ?.