Loneliness

Hi, I absolutely understand what you are saying, I try to keep busy and have something planned most days but you cant be on the go 24/7 and loneliness kicks in very frequently.

I have 1 brother who lives abroad and I don't see him.  My daughter is brilliant but she has her own life and i try not to lean on her too much.

I dont have an answer for you sadly, I wish I did, all I can do is try to keep busy and out the loneliness in a box.

Chelseabluegirl

Hi there,  I am just over 6 months along, and can imagine longer down the line can be more frightening as time spent with our loved ones seems another life.. Keeping busy does help, but it's a big effort isn't it to make new contacts and friends?

. I am still working, and there was an after work event on Friday but I didn't have the energy to socialise with the other teams

You have done really well to keep busy and occupied for the last 2 years. And just need to carry on but will be natural you need a pause. And may be others won't get it unless widowed themselves 

It's such a mountain to think we are alone after so many years easy life being in a couple .

Take care, weekend is over and a fresh week ahead xx

Hi Chelsea, thank you so much for such a lovely reply. It is really difficult. I try and keep my diary full but I have a back injury (I survived a major disaster many years ago). So for distance I use a wee fold up electric wheelchair. But I do have to just stop at times. plus getting out is difficult. I have a new cat coming shortly but I have been without a car this last two years. And it is just so hard. And a sister that just will not recognise the problems. I

V 

Daybreak, thank you! You are right about others not getting it. Half of me wishes they did know, but I would not wish them in this position. You are doing really well. I am not surprised you did not want to go to the event after work. It can be really tiring going to things and we do need mental recovery time. You are doing so well at work. 

xx

Hi, My husband's 2nd anniversary has just passed and I still feel very alone, miss him so much - we were married 54 years so it was a long time which I am grateful for - he passed after a 7 week diagnosis which was very traumatic - some days I'm okay but there is a terrible ache all the time - my son stays down south so I am alone a lot which doesn't help - I have found this 2nd year very hard, is it the realisation that everything has changed forever? I don't know..

I visit this site often and it helps so much.

Take care.

Thank you for that. I think you have probably hit the nail on the head. At the beginning I got on with organising everything. And I am involved in lots of things. But I come home and come down to earth with a bang. And part of that is that it has sunk in that this is now “it”. That contrast of doing things and then getting slapped up the face by reality. 

V

xx

And 7 weeks is so traumatic. I am sure that you were reeling after that. I had the blessing of several years. It is much easier to mentally absorb it. I am so sorry you had such a short, traumatic time. 

Hi Tivvy.

I'm just over two years into this as well and completely understand what you've said.  Like others I have been busy making improvements in the house and garden.  I've also been sorting out and selling Nic's many collections of things - he was a hoarder.  I'm nearly done, but it has been so hard and the feelings of guilt while doing this have been immense.

I too am really struggling at the moment.  I'm exhausted, depressed and don't want to mix socially at all.  When I do it's overwhelming.  I went to a wedding in the village at the weekend and managed to hold it together while all the time just wanting to run away.

I'm making plans to do things, but can't get motivated and at the moment am spending ridiculous amounts of time in bed reading.  I've read hundreds of books over the last 2 years.

Unless you've experienced what we have, nobody, however supportive, can understand all that we are thinking and feeling.

This is a great forum and has provided me with a lot of support, showing me that what I'm feeling is normal and I'm not going out of my mind.

As always I'll go to sleep hoping that tomorrow will be better.

Hugs to everyone.

Felicity 

Hi Tivvy,

Similar to you and Felicity (nicsmrs), I am 1½+ years into this journey that none of us wanted to be on. I also try to keep busy but it is so hard at times. Grief comes in waves and I am also struggling a bit at the moment, and also feel so alone at times. Unless you have lost a partner then it seems impossible for other people to comprehend and understand what it is like. I do see close family regularly, and friends too, but I'm not sure they really understand what I have been going through. I go to a bereavement café three times a month which I find helpful because you can talk openly about how you feel to other bereaved people, and they get it. We even cry if we want to and everyone is so supportive.

I have some house projects but sometimes it so hard to get motivated. Last week I did go away for a short break, my second one on my own, but I still can't help thinking "If only LIn was here with me". It really sucks doesn't it?

Stay strong everyone,

Derek

Hi, I agree that the 2nd year is worse than the first year without our soul mates, the first year we were busy with paperwork, sorting out what next etc, the second year there are no longer the firsts, its a case of  being on our own and trying to get used to having to make decisions without help. I know Ive made some decisions that Rob wouldnt have agreed with but to me they were the best at the time.

Ive gone back to counselling as I had a lot of anger still and the old questions in my mind, ‘what if’.  I just needed to talk to somebody who doesn't know me and perhaps let me work through the anger etc.

I am lucky in that I have some fantastic friends and a cousin who include me in holidays and I go along every time I havent been able to face going alone yet and that is something I may have to overcome one day.  There are a couple of trips I want to do and I hVe been looking at them as solo holidays. 

Ive joined a couple of groups, one of them is Meet Up, they have local groups for singles all over the UK, my nearest one organises a lot meals, breakfasts, walks, theatre and social drinks.  I go along to some meals/breakfasts, nice people but mainly divorced, it gets me out and is generally fun.  The first time was harrowing, walking in on my own but I did it.

Sending virtual hugs to you all