Loneliness

Hi 

I think I could’ve written your  post

 I’m 18 months in and my life is very busy. I have 5 grandchildren aged 4 and under and am a very hands on Nannie, I work and I have joined a walking group but at the end of the day the house is empty when I get home. There’s times I just need to share feelings and Dave is the only one I want to tell. 
Some of  my family are supportive but there’s some things you only want to talk to significant other about. Nothing major - even just having a rant about something or talking about your day, or what colour tiles to buy (I sat outside a shop for half and hour not able to go in and pick tiles because I needed to talk to Dave about it , even though I was always the one who sorted decor while he was here ) If I do that to my mum she’ll then worry that I’m getting stressed again and not coping  

I try talking to my sister but every time I do she manages to twist the conversation to how hard her life is (because she split with her partner ). At that point I just want to scream at her that it’s not the same. I lost my forever, my one true love, my future. I always feel angry after talking to her (and I’m not an angry person) so now I just avoid talking to her. 
My kids are 32 and 30 and are really good but o also try not to burden them. I don’t want to be anyone’s else’s problem so most of the time I hide how I feel. 
I dont think  anyone can understand the loneliness unless they have personally lost their partner - and even them still don’t if they didn’t have the best relationship. I think the fact that we’re on this forum means we did all have amazing relationships. 
Please continue to reach out on here when you feel lonely 

Take care 

J

Hi Jilly, I have two seconds to reply as I am heading off up country.

And to those I have not replied to, I could not get logged in this past week. 

I have a sister who is quite frail but improving a bit after surgery. If I try to say how lonely I am she also twists it round to her. Despite her husband being there and a grown up daughter nearby. There has been no empathy to me despite me having no car and using a wheelchair for distance. It is all about her. 

I will reply longer tomorrow night. Hang in there. This is a loneliness that comes from losing one half of us.

xxxx

Viv