Feeling lonely

Hi Fifinet, I am so sorry we are here. My husband died 19 weeks ago,  and as time passes it's worse. Crass comment the other day, how are you, are you doing better now?

I went on a nórdic walk excursion on Sunday l, hadn't done it before and was recommended by a widow I met.as an activity It was OK, but made me feel more lonely, no one really interested to talk to you, and my husband always looked out for me on any difficult climb since I broke my elbow once. It was just a bit more stark. You are on your own. 

It seems a steep climb ahead for us. Guess as they say don't think about it and take each hour as it comes.  Will log back on my pc in a bit, back to work and forget for a while.Sending you my thoughts and virtual company in shared lonely new state. Xxxxx

Hi Fifinet,

I felt that your comment about wanting to be heard was so pertinent to our experience. Regardless of everyone's own situation, and circumstances, I just thought this held some truth to my own too.

To reach out to someone, even on a forum, I have found to be very comforting these eight months. I have though to say that this forum is like no other - and I don't really frequent any others.

The people not coming round? I've kind of given up on what I thought should be done by others in our circumstances. Even having met two old friends I hadn't seen for years, within days of one another, not one has made contact within the two weeks which has now passed. Is it their fault? Not really. They just don't get it I think. That may be the same for us all?

I just keep trying my best. I feel I'm 100 miles an hour awaiting a bit of a sudden thump. But how can it be any worse?

Keep going - and.keep saying hello!

Take care,

WDJ

Hello Fifinet

I am so sorry we are all here too and suffering this anguish and loss, and I have such sympathy for your loneliness and loss.

I am blessed having family close by, however may as well have no neighbours as hardly anyone has bothered to ask how I am getting on, one even commented ‘oh well, at least you have your daughter near’.

I hope it is okay to use this quote from a book by Megan Devine, “It’s OK that you are not OK”. 

‘However long it takes, your heart and your mind will carve out a new life amid this weirdly devastated landscape.  Little by little, pain and love will find ways to coexist.  It won’t feel wrong or bad to have survived. It will be, simply, a life of your own making: the most beautiful life it can be, given what is yours to live.’

It is 26 weeks since my husband died, and whilst I cannot comprehend sometimes it has been that long without him, l feel at least I have managed to come this far.  You too, Fifinet, have come further than you realise.

Take care and, like WDJ said, keep saying hello.

Sending love and hugs to all

Thank you all for replying to my lonely post ! 

I probably don't realize how far I have come ? Nine months later. The hurt and loss is there all the time.

I met someone yesterday who said I was strong. Maybe my strong Scottish upbringing and a Scottish granny who kept us all up to speed with her wise words.

A special hello to WDJ today.. I will be heard !

Love and hugs 

Today is another day. Another tiny step forwards.

Hi Fifinet

I lost my husband whom I had cared for 2yrs on Christmas Eve. Although people are kind and invite me to contact them I dont as for me talking about it just upsets me.  I dont know how to respond when people ask me how I am either as I whilst I function I am now living in an empty barren landscape that I return to each day. So although people would listen and see me it doesnt alter anything and the will to do this isnt there.

The loneliness though is so intense as I dont feel I belong anywhere or have purpose anymore and although 69 wish I could go back to work.  I cant though so planning to volunteer at local foodbank

I can only hope like you time will help...

Hello there 

Yes being alone is difficult enough but this loneliness is horrible. Just lost a friend here from Cancer, his wife is devastated and I understand how she feels. She is keeping busy with her grown up children and preparing to go to Algeria accompanying his body as he was Algerian. All such a shock. We are never prepared no matter what they say.

I am 9 months down the line and this death has me shaken up again.The slightest thing will have me in tears and in a heap. Only my little cat helps me with a daily routine that I must do.

Do what you can to help with the food bank if you feel like it. Keep busy but I know what you are feeling just now is too raw and numb. Keep going. We are here for you !

Hugs 

I  have wistful flash thoughts that it's not really happened. Like a hope my husband can come back. It's such a massive loss we all have to take on, and don't want to accept. I spoke to a counsellor briefly, she said be angry that the cancer took your partner. Well not sure that will do much. Just so sad my husband is no longer here and not bringing his direct sunlight to all his family.  I can't believe it as he was healthy tall and athletic. You see aged overweight pensioners living longer.  I keep busy working just in the breaks all thoughts come back

www.theguardian.com/.../getting-better-michael-rosen-on-coping-with-the-death-of-his-teenage-son

That's a useful article about the sadness we feel 

I can't remember when it was, and on which discussion, that I said, I think, I didn't feel lonely but was alone. I think it was something like that.

Well anyway, as the weeks and months pass, I'm beginning to think it is becoming loneliness. The lack of discussion, serious and just nonsense, the 'agreeing' to watch this and that because one wants to more than the other, the what music to listen to in the car, the what shall we have to eat tonight? And simply holding a hand, which I miss the most truth to be told. I could go on. I don't have this now and it's what I miss without question.

I'm continuing to do things every day. I've just passed an important date, which I spent on my own and was glad I did. But it was a lonely few days.

I hold onto the great times - but my it's not the same as it used to be. Far from it.

Take care,

WDJ