Empty

Oh Dru, I'm so sorry you find yourself here too.

6 weeks, still very raw. I'm not going to lie, 13 weeks for me and sit hurts just as much, some days worse than others.

I too reach for Andy - a lovely friend of mine made me 2 pillows from the legs of a large maternity pillow that my Andy used to help him sleep propped up a little - still have his smell on them so I snuggle them at night as well as the dogs (Andy wouldn't be impressed I let the dogs upstairs now but hopefully understands they are my comfort)

We don't need friends like that do we, as I mentioned, I'm no worse off them not being around. We moved to rural West Wales 4 years ago to follow a dream. One of my friends has been invited numerous times to come and stay but never did. just ignored us asking. Then just before Christmas, called me for a chat 1.5 hours later ( I knew there was a reason for the call 'wanting something' as she rarely called me) and low and behold at the end of the call she said the reason I was calling I'd like to come and see you and stay in the New Year. My answer was why now, you haven't bothered to come while my Andy was alive so no sorry, I'm not open for free holidays in the countryside!

i know that sounds mean but it is true - not heard from her since.

Lots of love and hugs to you xxx

I have  a huge canvas photo of us both on the stairs so I get to talk to Andy when I get up in the morning and I'm coming down stairs and wish him nite nite on the way back up xx

I do find I stand and talk to him lots during the day too - I'm sure he is listening and watching over me,

xxx

This is oh so true 'I don't know how to be "me" without "us"

No normal to get back to as some people seem to say to me, you will soon be back to normal - No, I won't,  I am a completely different person now, I will never be the same - ever! I'm broken and can't be fixed!

Take care, still very early days for us both, my Andy passed 4 October 22 xx

The only people who understand are those we find on this forum or those we might know whose soulmates have died.

I get frustrated by people's comments about getting back to normal or saying it will get easier. Our normal has gone. I'll never be the same person and it hurts. The dreams and plans for the future ripped away.  My Chris gone and I'm left here broken.

I had someone who I thought was a friend contact me yesterday, after 6 weeks of silence, and she said she had stepped away as she found my sadness overwhelming and she didn't know how to cope.  You can imagine my response to that - how nice that she could step away. We have to cope every second with the sadness, fear and loss of everything we knew.

I hope that we can find some comfort and peace from sharing our thoughts and feelings.

Life is brutal but I know I'm not alone and can come on here and be open and honest.

Take care xx

She found your sadness overwhelming!

Your heart is broken and you need true friends around you!  Sadly I and I guess many others on here have the same problem with friends. Sometimes I just don't think they know what to say, but then I think don't say anything at all!

Many of my friends told my husband they would be here for me and my young girls but they haven't. I've never felt lonelier.

Coming on here helps a little as others are going through what I am so understand.

Look after yourself x

It's been a horrible way to find out who my true friends are, but I'm glad in a way that I've got people who really support me.

I like the honest people who've said they don't know what say, and then just chat about everything and anything - or are happy to sit and say nothing.

I'm sorry to hear that some of your friends told your husband they'd be there for you and your girls, but then didn't follow through on that. What a hurtful thing they have done.

You look after yourself xx

Rachael

Friends I just have not understood myself over the last seven months.

And don't get me started on some of the family - particularly the more older amongst them. I'd liked to have thought some would have been in direct contact. Alas

You know what? I'll carry on but won't forget.

Take care,

WDJ