The Ring

If it's getting to you then you can try something new.  Moving it to your other hand or onto the chain doesn't have to be forever. Some move it while others like myself still wear it on the left hand. You just need to be comfortable with your decision.

• I wear Colin's wedding ring under mine still on my left hand more than 2 years since he died. Once or twice I have swapped them over to my right hand and put my eternity ring on my wedding finger.  The swap only lasts minutes and I change them back pdq I suppose it would feel like a betrayal to take it off permanently. Some people get their rings re-modelĺed, made into , that woul mean no ring at all while the job was being done. Without a ring on would make me look 'available' if you know what I mean, I'm not sure if I am or not though???

BootsyD,

It's the last bit, about 'availability' that worries me and if friends and family read into things wrongly - although the latter should not worry me.

It's an emotional rollercoaster we are all on.

Take care,

WDJ

With regards to friends and family thinking that we could make ourselves 'available'..It's ok for them to say so but they're not the ones going home to an empty house and having somebody waiting foryou. I sometimes think if I did happen to meet someone else it would get the friends and family 'off the hook' to not feel obliged to call/visit so often and to be called upon to do jobs we can no longer do on our own, like get the out of the flippen attic

Hi, I still wear mine and also wear Robs on my thumb.  I’ve never worn my ring all the time anyway,  My original ring was cut off when I broke my wrist 15 or so years ago (that’s another story) and since then I’ve had various wedding style rings to wear . Rob bought me them every few years as I never found one I really loved again until the current one. 

Ive never thought of the available point especially as I quite often forget to put my ring on.

I think it’s when we feel we may not want to wear on 3rd finger left hand.

Chelseabluegirl 

WDJ, I've been agonising over this dilemma. Part of me says taking the ring off marriage finger is sort of moving forward but then another part of me is saying Lin's still my wife and removing it feels like I am betraying our love for each other. I have tried moving it to my other hand but always get a pang of guilt plus it is a much tighter fit and uncomfortable. I have all her other special jewellery in a jewellery box but can't quite take that step of adding my wedding ring to it. It just doesn't feel quite right yet. Perhaps it will in time. I am now one year into this journey so there is no hurry, you just have to do what feels right for you.

I like looking at photos of LIn over the years, including our wedding ones, because, like you, it makes me smile most of the time but there is always a trigger photo hiding somewhere that sets me off. Thankfully that doesn't happen too often, generally the photos just remind me of what a loving, kind person she was and of the reason that I married her.

Tomorrow I'm going to a Lights of Love ceremony organised by the local hospice Lin was under during her final days. My son & daughter-in-law plus brother-in-law are coming with me. I am quite looking forward to that as a way of celebrating Lin's life at this festive time of year. She loved family Christmases.

Stay strong,

Derek

DelBoy55,

You've hit the nail exactly on the head. That's exactly the emotions I'm going through.

The 'trigger' photo is so true as well. We will have more than one. I have one in particular that was taken only a few months before what turned out to be the end. I put it up on the wall with some others. Every time I look at it it's the eyes that get me. They are just full of joy even under the circumstances that they hide. I simply look at it with pride.

I've just donated to the local hospice too for a similar event here. It's the very least I can do.

Take care,

WDJ