Hi!
I haven't been around for a long time, 6 months maybe? I don't really know.
I've been meaning to come back sooner but I was dreading that it would take me back to where I was when I started my grief and was spending quite a lot of time here.
It's been 2 years and 3 months for me and wow what a journey it's been since then. I've gone through lots of phases as we all do, trying to rebuild a life for me and my two teenage daughters without their Mum. It hasn't been easy but I've been trying to focus on a few things which may or not resonate with you. One was being a widower at 40 (Juliette was 38), it took me months to realise that my life wasn't actually over, that the life I'd had and loved was over and that I had to make my peace with it, but that I was now on a different road with potentially plenty of years in front of me, maybe even more than I had lived. The other thing, and I think that it's a specificity of widows and widowers is that even if it's hard to think like that, we actually have had a life before being in couple with the one we love so much and lost. It feels like grasping at straws sometimes but it was for me simple ideas like that which enabled me to think that I could actually have another life, because as much as I loved the life I had shared with Juliette (18 years together), there was a life before that and there would be a life after. That's something that my daughters can't relate with, losing their mother.
I didn't come here to say all that, but this forum is an amazing place to share and talk!
I am now in a much better place. I have met someone 6 months ago and everything is fine. Before that I have learnt to live on my own (with my daughters) and that wasn't easy. I wish I could say that I have achieved that but the truth is that I don't really feel complete unless I have a partner to care about and who cares for me. I have found my peace with Juliette's passing, even though it still strikes me really hard some days for no apparent reason that she won't ever be back and have more adventures. I think about her all the time still and she is a big part of our lives. We try to celebrate the time we've had together and move forward respecting her ideas. Except for mushrooms that she used to hate and that we have regularly now.
I hope that you'll all find peace in your grief and don't hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk or write to.
<3
Antoine
Aww Antoine I have missed you in this forum 
and have often wondered how youve been getting on! It's lovely that you've met someone 
I hope all goes well and your girls like your lady!
Juliette will always be part of the "package' in the new relationship (we all have our history)and I for one wish you lots of luck and love x
Hi BootsyD! Yes it's all going well. My new someone has kids of her own with no Dad around so together we make one big family when we see each other with all the children! She also knew Juliette so there is no awkwardness towards the presence that Juliette will always have for me. As you say, she's part of the package!
How are you doing yourself?
Hi Mym!
I know that feeling of loneliness very well and even now I still miss Juliette so very much. I've been to Liverpool last weekend where I hadn't been for years and where we used to live and I had that compulsion to send her a message to let her know things that had changed etc. It's funny how the brain works, as if she was just not around and doing something else elsewhere. I think on the contrary that she is around us and in us!
You're never too old to find someone to care for again! It's not necessarily easy to go out there but I think there are tons of lonely souls out there and maybe there is one just waiting for you.
Not sure about the mushroom reference! 
Antoine x
It's often said that we get on with people we already know within our friendship circle. And the fact that your new partner knew Juliette is a headstart for you both. I guess your girls get along fine with her kids and if the dad isn't around that keeps any conflict away...
As for me I'm working 3x5hours a week and am looking at packing in when I'm 60 in February next year but know I need to still do something but don't know what 
I am tired of retail work (especially at this time of year!) being overworked and underpaid 
but like my work family, most of the time
I don't really know how I feel about a new relationship- I'm not looking but after 2 and a half years on my own and Colin's lads living their own lives who knows???? The nights are long but then again I'm doing nothing about it...lazy bint 
