First Christmas without him

There are no right or wrong ways to celebrate or not at Christmas especially as its your first.

Can you delay making a decision,  just go for present opening, or the meal or even start a new tradition and see everyone on Christmas eve or Boxing Day?

Take your time deciding 

Dear Carpet Bagger

I agree with Ruby Diamond about maybe set a new tradition for Boxing Day? I completely understand that you don't want to do the big brightness on Christmas day, you will  probably be feeling awful. Surely the family will understand your decision.

I am going to do the same here. Might be miserable and alone, but it's what I want. Don't worry you will learn to cope but it's too soon now.

Take your time. It is okay not to be okay. Your choice now.

Big hug 

Thank you both. I’m terrible for worrying about upsetting people. I didn’t want the (grown up) children to think they shouldn’t be being happy. I want them to have a lovely day with all their children. I just don’t think I could cope with it. A different day when I can join them might be the way forward this year.

It is no easy, when it was coming up to my first Christmas i was like you.

I had to do it my way, and i did, i spent Christmas Eve, here on my own, i had a glass or two, as we did when there way the two of us.

Christmas morning cooked breakfast, like i used to and the tv was on, though i did go to my daughters,but told her, i will be there for three,, but i want and need to be in my own house as well, and i got home by seven.

Again tv on, glass of wine,, tv on, and that  for me, was a perfect Christmas, under the circumstances, and i felt so at peace and calm, i was home and he was still with me.xx 

I would say that you have to stop worrying about upsetting people and concentrate on you. It is ok to be happy about somethings too.  I am facing my first Christmas without my husband of 44 years, he only died in September. I will go to my daughter's, as we sometimes did, to stay a few days. To avoid an 'empty chair' on Christmas Day we are going out for a meal. It will be very hard for us both, and for my son who lives abroad. I believe trying to do things just a little differently or at a different time is the way to get through this. I hope you find a suitable solution. 

I have just read this i myself am in same situation lost my hubby January 10 i bearly lost him Christmas so awful memory there i really cant remotely look to Christmas now snd likevyou just want be on own do dont have tom I pretend i ok i shall be reading the  replys you get to see how or what we do.Everyone of us is different  hope you ind an answer but do what best for you thinking of you  i really do know howbyou are feeling xx

hi last year I didn’t put up decorations, didn’t send cards and cards I received i opened but put aside.  Our closest friends and I went to a restaurant for lunch and stayed at a hotel. Quite impersonal but it was what wewanted to do.

My daughter and I had Chinese on Christmas eve as this was tradition. 

This year i’m going to put up the tree, i’m not doing the whole decoration thing but am cooking dinner for my daughter and partner.  i’m also sending some cards to closest friends. I started them last night and the first one I automatically added his name.  

New Year is another, have nothing planned  and not sure I really want to do much, never have been a fan tbh.

Thank you its so hard glad im not the only one feeling this way x

Thank you all for your replies. It’s so hard isn’t it. I have decided to work on Christmas morning and spend the afternoon here on my own with my thoughts. We will have a family meal later in the week that I will go to. I cannot bring myself to put up the tree this year. Maybe next year. I’ve had a couple of cards with just my name on. It doesn’t seem right. I’ve not written any yet. Leaving his name off them will be hard. He would be thinking I’m daft but I can’t celebrate when he should be waking up next to me on Christmas morning like the last 41 years. Xx

it’s the little things that I miss.  Rob always bought me a Lindt Advent Calendar,  My daughter has taken over the tradition this year and I expect she’ll eat the 24th December bear as she always ha