Christmas Is Coming!

Hello WDJ

Just thinking the same and trying not to panic! Which wouldn't do any good either I suppose. 

Been advised however to plan ahead, whatever you want or don't want. Simple and quiet will be ok for me this year. Never liked this time much anyway, and Barry didn't either. All we hoped was peace and quiet, a nice meal, and certainly this last year that Barry wouldn't be in hospital.It will be very strange without him. My sister and family are all in Scotland, but have had no offers, as yet, to go over. Probably wouldn't anyway. I have no children so that makes me feel even more lonely?

Good friends here but they have their own lives. I will be ok.

As you will be. I think we might be a bit more on this forum though!!!!!

All the best

Hugs

Hi All

paul loved Christmas we moved house 14th July and it was all organised months before we moved Christmas here….. we have no bairns so family staying Paul’s twin brother his wife their son wife and their 2 girls Christmas Eve 3 days

then us in motorhome to London ( as we always did) till after new year had things booked down there already …….all organised 

plans shattered it so hurts 

i can’t watch the TV I can’t write cards how can I just write my name it’ll so hurt I wont be putting cards up or any decorations 

so dreading it just feel like hibernating

my life so ended

lolxx

The 1st year is always the hardest to get through, Anniversary's, Birthdays, Christmas, Holidays and then the anniversary of the death of your loved one.

You don't have "to do" Christmas this year if you don't want to.  

Christmas Day will be 23 weeks since my partners death.  I will be spending a couple of days with my daughter, BUT I have warned her that I might back out at the last minute, or need time away from them all celebrating.  Thankfully she totally accepts what I want and isn't trying to "chivvy me" along.   

Just do what you feel able to cope with and remember to reach out to others.  Hugs to you 

I was the same last year.  Nic loved Christmas and we used to spend it with his parents who really went for it.  We had already lost Nic's parents and last year was my first without Nic.  A good friend invited me to spend the day with her family, but I felt I had to do it my way which was to spend the day  on my own. I also didn't know how I would be emotionally in the heart of a lovely, very caring family.  Honestly, it was one of the worst days of my life.  There were no decorations or tree, no lovely Christmas dinner, no company (apart from my dog, but that's not the same).  I'm glad I stuck to my guns and did what I wanted even though it didn't turn out so well.

This year I'm changing my thinking.  I might get a tree and put up some decorations. I might accept any invitation I receive.  But if I don't then I'm going to go all out with the dinner, enjoy my own company and have a good day.

There's no right way to do it, but please don't feel that you have to spend it with others if you really can't face it.  If it's a bad day on your own, then hopefully the following days will be better.

All best wishes for whatever you decide to do.

Felicity 

WDJ, 

I hear you loud and clear, all these adverts of happy families turns my stomach and raises my anxiety through the roof!

I'm only 6 weeks since I lost my new husband of 18 days, I will never get that first Christmas card written to my wife. We met on news years eve too and that was always a big celebration for us but not this year!

Andy loved Christmas, we have no children so it was always just the 2 of us, he was like a kid on Christmas morning- so excited and opening a bottle of fizz - even if it was 5am! 

I wasn’t going to do Christmas this year, but on reflection I need to, for Andy. I shall put the decorations up, set him a place at the dinner table and my mum will be here so the 2 if ys will have a quiet day, lots of tears and reflection and share happy memories best we can!

Big hug to you lovely, we all here to support each other!

as the new book I’m reading ‘it’s ok that your not ok’ stt ya it’s doing your way, no one else is walking your shoes xxx

This group really does make a difference.

I change my mind with this one too now, going around in circles. But they're my circles and that's all that matters.

I've gone from wanting to do nothing, have no decorations to maybe I should ... and have Christmas in the house. 

I think I will, at least, put the tree and decorations up. It will make the place look nicer and I now simply feel that it's the right thing to do. They may not go up quite so early though.

The thought of a full meal in the house still makes me feel uneasy. I'm not prepared to say "Merry Christmas" when it simply will be nothing like it!

Take care everyone,

WDJ

Just do what right for you, that’s how I’m approaching it. If I change my mind last minute then so be it.

I’m meeting my manager tomorrow and I’m going to tell her I’m definitely not going to be attending and work Christmas parties, not even for a quick drink! That way too much out of my comfort zone.

big hug to you WDJ XX

Hi WJD and everyone 

I agree how can we say merry Christmas when it’ll be anything but

Christmas was happening here as soon as we knew we were moving everyone was coming here

i can’t bear that having an empty place instead of my Paul 

the plan is we do something completely different and go out for lunch 

I’m not fussed at all but my friend said treat it as Sunday lunch go and come home 

i just want to be home close to Paul 

Im not having a tree decorations writing cards how can I just write my name 

when I look at last Christmas photos paul had just come out of hospital the day before Christmas eve

it just breaks my heart 

we’d actually decorated the tree together a first

yes we went to buy the tree but I’d always decorated it myself

i just want to hide shut the world off ( I can’t watch any TV and haven’t done since paul died) I feel safe at home no conversation forced! No couples to see no seeing everyone having a good time when my heart is broken smashed to pieces by bloody cancer

plans future all gone…… I want my life my Paul back but that’ll never happen

i cry myself to sleep every single night…..

life’s a bitch

take care everyone I know we all feel the same and are just managing to survive ‘just’

xx

Ps forgot to say he’d come  out of hospital after his biopsy…… little did we know it would be our  last Christmas and what lay ahead

hearbreaking totally

no words can ever describe what I feel like the pain ache inside me is horrendous 

Im sure you all know that pain 

Xx

The build up is as bad if not worse. The questions will start but nobody ever invites me , although apparently I can't be alone on Christmas. It will be me and my cat and I'll have a  nice meal to myself.