Scared and depressed

Hello

I am so sorry to hear this. I wanted to tell you that you are being so brave for your wife. I am surprised though that the consultant doesn't want to tell her? Maybe your wife already suspects something herself. What a horrible weight on you to cope with all this?

Have you family to turn to? I do believe you can't shoulder all this by yourself. So young too. I am so sorry.

Keep writing in here and contact the medical advisors here too who will be able to advise you.

Take care

Hello Cowboy1605

I am so sorry to read about your wifes diagnosis.  You must both be very frightened. 

I'm not sure if you have a Maggies centre near you, they had lots of practical advice for us as a couple when my husband got his terminal diagnosis.  Things like, sorting out a will, ensuring any bills/banking were in joint names. They were great at listening to our fears too, how to tell our children,about where he would prefer to die,  who did he want there? All things we never knew we needed to think about for years and years. 

Ask your wife's consultant to give you details of organisations who can help.

I'm hoping you have support from friends and family. Please know I'm thinking of you

Cowboy1605

I have read your post 4 times now and the 1st thing that comes out in me is anger.  It is the consultant's job to tell your wife of her diagnosis.  If he has concerns that she will "give up" then he has a duty of care to seek help from other professionals to determine whether she is mentally strong enough to deal with the news.  Also as the consultant has stated that your wife will not survive the disease then he should be referring you to Palliative Care, which where I live is Marie Curie.  

Get in touch with your local District Nursing Team, who will pop out and talk to you and put you in the right direction to ensure that you get everything that is worrying you, sorted.  

Hugs to you and your wife x

Hello again

I was thinking of you and wondering how things were? I really hope you are getting some help. Also about the consultant not wanting to tell your wife. Nanny has already expressed her view on that I think?

My best wishes to you today and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs

I'm so sorry to hear about your dear wife cowboy1605.  Has the consultant asked your wife if she wants to be given regular, truthful updates or if she prefers not to be told of her prognosis? 

Your wife should be the person who decides how much or how little she is told. 

On a more practical note as far as your mortgage and financial worries are concerned.. if you have a new mortgage did you have to take any health insurance policy out that covers either of you getting terminally ill?  When my husband got sick and we knew it was likely to be terminal I claimed under the policy. The company paid off our outstanding  mortgage. This helped enormously to relieve both of us  of financial worries when we had so many other things to concern ourselves about. 

It helped my husband to know the truth about his prognosis as he felt that he could continue to put his affairs in order to make things easier for me after he had gone.

I wish you and your dear wife strength to face this journey.

Pooka 

This is truly awful. It’s awful at any age but  25…

I think your consultant needs to give his head a wobble. It’s one thing if your wife says she doesn’t want to know a prognosis but it is not the consultants place make  the call. For me - I needed to know- so I could make sure that I was doing the best for my hubby- like whether I should be going to work or stay at home if time was short. Dave actually didn’t want to know how long but he did know it was terminal. Luckily we had an excellent Dr from the hospice who I  was able to speak to privately and she gave me information that Dave didn’t know about. 
i would highly recommend speaking to one of the Macmillan financial guys on this website. Your wife is probably eligible for PIP and one of the Macmillan guys sorted this  out for us. They can probably also help with advice about your mortgage. I know finances are probably the last thing you want to deal with so let someone else shoulder some of the work. You already have enough to deal with. Make sure you find someone to talk to. Have the hospital appointed you a Macmillan nurse? They are wonderful and can help with so much. Also ask your Dr to put you in touch with the palliative care team for your area. 
Thinking of you.