Service of Memories

I went to a Service of Memories at the local church where Lin's ashes have been interred, and where our baby son and my parents are buried. They read out a roll call of loved ones who had died and I had asked for Lin, our son and my parents to be included. It was a little emotional and poignant, especially as it is the church where we got married, so good memories of that. However, there was an opportunity to walk up to the altar and light a candle or candles in memory, and I just couldn't face doing that. I'm sure I would have been in bits as I am quite an emotional person. Perhaps next year. They did have a memory tree where you could tie a tag with some writing on it, so I just wrote a note to her saying how much I love and miss her.

I am glad I did it and afterwards they did refreshments and a chat, so that was good to talk to fellow grievers. Met up with family and had a lovely meal afterwards, so that cheered me up a good bit, but so wish Lin could have been there.

A week tomorrow it will be a year since she died, and I just struggle to get my head round that. A real emotional roller-coaster of a year, feeling positive one day or week then plunging to the depths of sadness and sorrow the next. The pain of her going hasn't gone but I think I have probably got better at coping with it. I long to hug and hold her but know that pleasure has gone and I will never be able to do that.

Stay strong everyone.

Derek