My husband died last week

The only people that truly get it are the ones like us who have watched the person they chose to spend the rest of their life with die.  The amount of people that have said to me  "I understand what you are going through, my dad/mum/nan/aunt died (insert however many days, weeks months or years).   

NO they don't get it at all.  My dad died 42 years ago and my mum 25 years ago and the feelings are totally different.

I actually ensure I have days that I don't get dressed and I make a point of telling myself the night before "Tomorrow will be a PJ day"  and I totally agree evening are awful at this time of the year.  All I can say one day at a time and if tomorrow is the same as today then so be it.  The next day might be slightly better.   

Remember there is no time limit on grief.  

Hugs to you and smile with the tears when you remember YOUR Chris xxxx

I lost my wife aged 60 im 56 last Friday we been together 36 years she was my one and only love I now how you feel to see the word widower on certificate made me cry with pain I'm married and always will be to my incredible wife and best friend and  never mind how good our children are her loss to me can never be overcome god bless you 

Tony w21 I am so sorry to hear that your incredible wife has died. I too hate being called a widow. Someone asked me this week if I'm now a Miss and now single.  I got very angry and told them in no uncertain terms that I'm still married, my vows meant for life and that I'm a Mrs.

I will always be proud to be Chris' wife. His loss will be with me forever until we are reunited. 

All of us on here understand completely how utterly devastating it is. None of us envisaged being in need of support for something so life changing.

God Bless.

It's so hard I cared for my mam for  10 years she passed 3 years on the 18th then 6 months later my wife got diagnosed after 22 years of beating this awful ill ness  in September  all scans was fine then mid October new scan result said no hope but she was so brave even ordered Xmas presents for every one people try saying it's grief it will get better my children try but no one understands unless been through this loading some close is awful like my parents but losing your partner is also losing yourself we  have been glued to each other for 36 years now I'm alone and frightened we walked together shopped together went on holidays together  never went out alone then one day it's all gone how can someone understand without going through it I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say god should have taken me not my wife 

I hope you can find the strength to carry on but has you and I know no words are going to help  I will ask God in my prays to help you god bless you 

It is very hard. Its over 6 months now since I lost my wife to breast cancer. There is not a day goes by when I dont think about her or talk to her. You are correct, the loneliness is the biggest issue. We didn't have children but have nieces and nephews. I also have a sister. But this is no replacement for the loving cuddles. My wife died one day before her 60th birthday. I am only now just finishing off her wishes from her will. Keep strong

Six weeks today since I last held you close Chris and you told me that you loved me.

I am doing my best to adapt to this new life without you by my side but it's so hard knowing my future is now very different to the one we had planned.

I have some bits of the day where I'm ok, if I do something to distract me, whether going for a walk or chat with a friend, but the past few days I can't stop crying. The reality of knowing I'll never see or hold you again has really hit.  Just to have that morning cuddle, a kiss goodnight and the laughs we had - oh how I miss everything about you and the life we had.

I have friends looking out for me but it doesn't stop this feeling of being alone after 28 years of sharing love and life with my wonderful husband. 

I just hope I'm doing enough to keep my husband proud.  

I have lost my confidence, feel so unsure about things and don't know myself anymore.

LonelyPanda, this journey we are on is so very tough. I get that loss of confidence thing, as that's how I felt for quite some months after Lin died (just over a year ago). I was always the strong one, the one Lin would lean on to sort things out, but that all changed the day she left my life. There is hope that things will get better as I have just had my bathroom completely refurbished and I am in the early stages of getting an extension built (planning approval just granted). These are all things we had planned to do together and it has been so, so difficult making decisions on my own. I am still struggling to get motivated sometimes but I am feeling very slightly more positive in my outlook.

Stay strong,

Derek

hi, all I can say to you is that it does get easier, I’m 15 months in yesterday but there are times that losing Rob just hits home. 

Im on holiday with my cousin and family in Spain, last time I was here was with my Rob.  I was doing ok until last night when the singer in the  restaurant we were in sang Barry White, You’re the first, my last, my everything which was one of the songs from his funeral.  As soon as I heard the first couple of notes I had to get out of there.  I’m normally ok when I hear it but for some reason last night it just hit home how much I missed him.

I am back in Spain (another area) in May to scatter some of his ashes which is going to be sad.  We had planned to move to Spain but before we could go he passed away.  It will be very emotional leaving some if him there but he so wanted to live there it seems right.

Take care all of you.

Love is eternal 

we have a house in Italy. I took my wifes ashes with me. Alot of bureaucracy meant I was unable to scatter her ashes or even take her with me. It was a place she loved so I still took her with me in the car. I was going to scatter them in our garden and on the lake but I just could not do it. She now resides in our bedroom there in a nice ornate wooden box with flowers beside it. I know this is quirky but I also expanded our CCTV to include a camera in the bedroom. The first and last things I do here in England is to look at the cam and talk to her, to share whats happened during the day. Leaving her there was difficult but it was the place she loved. I am going back in December for xmas and new year so I will be with her again.

It’s so hard, trying to adjust to a new life without them by your side. My husband was diagnosed with secondary cancer at the beginning of August and died less than 4 weeks later. He was just 62, and I am 52. I too am struggling with describing myself as a widow. I have a work trip coming up and I know at some point, someone will ask if I have a partner or am married and I hate the thought of having to say I’m a widow. I’m still married, I didn’t get unmarried, it’s just my beloved husband isn’t here. Some days are worse than others, but I’ve found bereavement counselling (offered through our local hospice) has helped. Sometimes I’ve just sat and cried my way through the session but it has helped to talk to someone who isn’t trying to say the ‘right’ thing and who is just there to listen. I miss him so very much, he was always just there and sometimes I’m so angry that he left me.