My husband died last week

Juju It is so frightening isn't it. My husband Chris' funeral and celebration of life is also tomorrow. I have friends supporting me but it doesn't stop the hurt, the pain or the deep sense of losing the one person who made me whole.

I feel scared for the future. I could never have imagined being without my husband.

Hello Lonelypanda 

Thinking of you for tomorrow... You will cope but I do know what it is like.

I was amazingly calm on the day of Barry's funeral. Even helping with friends when they broke down in tears.

Afterwards, of course, on my own, the reality sinks in. Horrible.

5 months later I am not brilliant but... What else to do but carry on the best we can ... For them too?

Love and hugs 

Just one hour at a time. I am going to see tomorrow as a celebration of Gary’s life..... well that is the idea. I feel traumatised by his last few weeks at home and am hoping I will remember happier times. The fear is overwhelming isn’t it? I expected overwhelming grief, but not the fear. I will think about you tomorrow xx

It was my wonderful husband's funeral / celebration of life was yesterday. I did him proud and somehow found the strength to get up and read my words to him.

Afterwards at the wake it was a good feeling, lots of people came and I felt surrounded by their love and well wishes. It felt as though he was still with us and i could imagine how much he would have loved to see all his friends.

Today is unbearable though. I now feel truly alone. He has gone and there is no more I can do for him. I can never be with him again and it hurts so much.

I just want to hold his hand and for him to give me one of his happy kisses.

The days are passing by but do not get any easier.

Following my husband Chris' funeral on 28th October I feel like I've lost him all over again. I can't do anything more to help him and it hurts so much.

Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since he died and each morning breaks my heart - the thought of another long day without him. I miss his smile, his kisses, his smell but most of all I miss him.

28 years of being a team of two. I feel lost.

I really feel for you today Lonely Panda, it's very  early days but it will get easier to bear. My dear husband Jim died 2years and 2months ago. I miss him every single day but most days that intense pain has gone. Sometimes it comes back and hits me like a tunn of bricks. I wail and cry and ask those questions all over again. Why my Jim who was a good kind man? Why cancer? Why? Why? Why?  I let all the horrible feelings and thoughts wash over me, i feel them knowing now that it will pass. Tomorrow will be better and I will make a little progress in this different life I've got now. Sending lots of love your way x

My heart goes out to you  I understand your feelings and thoughts as John died just 16 weeks ago, I hate the thought that I will never be able to reach out for John's hand, to kiss him, to get that cuddle that engulfed me every time.   I am so grateful that I did get the short 16 years with him though.  Feeling sad, scared, lonely and all the other things is just normal.  They will never go away, but you will learn to let other things into your life, but it takes time.  It will take as long as you need it to take.  This is the one thing that I keep reminding myself.  Please look after yourself and grieve in your own way xxx

It's really hitting me that I'll never get to hold Chris' hand, he'll never stroke my hair or look at me the way he did which made me feel so loved.

Now everything is done for him, giving him a fantastic celebration of his life at his funeral, I just feel very lost, scared and have no joy.

Chris was a proud Army veteran and with this week being Remembrance Sunday is making it even tougher not to have him here. The 23rd November should also have been our 20th Wedding Anniversary.

I can't stop sobbing.

I've tried to tell people who say "you're coping so well" that I have to learn how to cope every single day, over and over again. They really can't know unless it's happened to them. The mornings are the worst for me,  getting up and having a cuppa by myself. I hate it. But here I am, here we all are or else we wouldn't be in this group....life is just so unfair xx

I had someone text me today saying they hoped I'd found something to smile about. They just don't get it.

As you've said, we have to try and find a way to cope every single day but some days a win for me is getting dressed.

Evenings are worse for me, especially now the clocks have gone back. Such long evenings to get through before I can go to bed - not that I'm sleeping well at the minute. An empty space next to me after 28 years is awful. What I wouldn't give to fight for the duvet once again 

Tomorrow is two weeks since Chris' funeral and the day when I can pick up his ashes. I wish I could have him back home for real but know that's something I can never have. I know it will break me again collecting him but have this real sense that this way he'll be close once again.