Game over after 18 months

Welcome to the group that nobody wants to join.  It’s hard as we all know living as you put it a 1.  My husband on hearing he had weeks to live immediately said I was to move forward and meet somebody else and be happy.  It’s 14 months now, I’ve learnt to live as 1, i still have bad days but I just think what Rob said and that motivates me to do what he wanted me to do.  (not the meeting somebody else but though).

I understand the guilt, you have a life whereas his ended.  I now think that try to move forward as we never know what’s round the corner.

Take care

Love is eternal 

Thank-you for your kind words. My husband said to me that I have to carry on, for the sake of the kids (who are older at 25 and 22) and the dog! I sometimes wonder if he'd miss the dog more than me! Mine and his family have been my absolute rock  . I'm in the middle of funeral prep now, but he's made that easy as he doesn't want a service. I just want to carry out this last thing I can do for him xx

And I forgot to say, I'm pretty much your age too...I'm 46, just,  and Matt has just had his 49th birthday 3 weeks ago xx

Hi, your situation is familiar to me. Nic was diagnosed in November 2018 and had a lot of major surgery and useless chemo over the next two years.  We got the terminal diagnosis in December 2020 and he went downhill rapidly after that.  I got the call to go into hospital early morning as well and he was still with me, but unconscious.  I don't know if he knew I was there as he didn't move or react at all to me or the doctors and nurses.

Please don't feel guilty.  It's early days for you and you'll have lots to deal with over the next few weeks and months.  Life will adjust,   probably very slowly, but you will move on at your own pace.

Please stay on this forum as it gives so much support.

All best wishes.

Oh it's an awful club to be part of isn't it.....I've tried our local tonight and a certain song had me running out the room . This is going to be a long journey I know. And I'm doing it at my rate not anybody else's.  He was my husband, soulmate, dad to his children, and no one will get to say when I should be over this cos I never will be xx

So sorry for your loss and that you have had to join the forum. We all know the feelings you are having. My wife and I had planned things for the house when I had retired, as Lin had been having treatment for cancer for several years and she couldn't face the upheaval if she was at home on her own. Unfortunately fate took a hand and she died last year so, like you, I am going to honour her memory by getting the things we had planned done. Currently having the bathroom completely redone so had been staying with my son but have had to go away today for a few days, the first time I have done on my own since Lin died last November. It's a bit surreal really, definitely couldn't have done it any earlier.

Guilt, now there's a thing. I expect most of our lost loved ones would want us to live our lives, but it is so hard to do without thinking of them and what would they think, or would they approve. All I can say is that we have to do what we think is best for us, and I know it sounds selfish, but we have to try and live a full and happy life even if it tears us up inside. They would want us to be happy but it is so, so hard. We have a son who died at birth in 1990 who is buried in our local church and Lin always felt the need to go there every week, but when she was diagnosed with terminal (incurable) cancer in 2016, she changed and didn't go so often, saying that life is for the living and she gave more time to her close family. So what we are, or have been, going through determines how we deal with day to day things, etc.

Take care,

Derek

I’m so sorry to read this, sadly I can understand somewhat. I lost my wife 17 months ago only 6 months after diagnosis for bowel cancer. She was 46. It was a rough journey through lockdown and I do believe her treatment could’ve been better. We were alone for most of it and when she was admitted into a different hospital as she was really unwell, they did tests etc and told her she had 2 weeks to live, alone without any of us there. She then had to tell us. She was incredibly strong and I miss her every single day. 
like you and others I struggle to live as one. The loneliness is horrendous at times and I feel robbed of a future we dreamed of together. I struggle in the house as she passed away at home 10 days after that bombshell. 
I’ve made the changes we wanted to do and the other day I had a moment and looked at another house. However I know I need to live her life for her as she told me to do. 
what else can we do but honour them as we try to live a life with a huge hole in it? 

Sending love. 

Thus site is a lifesaver. I can't believe there are actually people who know exactly how I'm feeling and what I'm going through. It really is a comfort although I wouldn't wish this on anyone

My life is exactly that...I struggle with not being part of a couple (not that I'm interested in being with anyone else!) I have loads of support, which is really helping but I just wish I could turn back time. But I can't so I have to move forward , its the only way to go. Someone said to me, the only way through grief is through it, there's no way round it or over it  

I'm just over a year into this life changing event and everything it brings with it,only thing that has brought me any comfort is having this site to  reach out too,so please check in,say how you feel listen to others so you don't feel like your going mad x