Final Moment

Hello WDJ 

Try not to worry. I had exactly the same experience. It was just the next day when I went back to the hospital and he had died. I asked about the pain and was it peaceful. The nurses and doctors reassured me that it had been peaceful.

I wanted to say that one of the nurses told me that often the patient chooses when to go. I know my Barry wouldn't have wanted me to see the final moment. I was to remember him in a more positive way. Final images are hard to deal with.

Take care 

Hugs

I to have thoughts of my darling Sharon’s final moments, in fact being there is both comforting and yet haunting. It was a Sunday evening when I was called back to the Hospice, and I was holding her as she took her last breath. Not surprisingly I was distraught that she was gone and with her went the only person who ever showed me true love & understanding. On that same day when I visited her in the afternoon she was no longer conscious, but hopefully knew I was there, it was heartbreaking to see her fading away. As I was about to leave I took a deep breath and whispered in her ear that if she was ready then she should stop fighting and go on her way, and that I would be OK and love her always. As I’ve said she passed away just a few hours later. Now I hope constantly that I said the right thing to her, but at the same time hate myself for saying it !!
Now almost 12 months on I miss her even more than I did 11 months ago, still feel completely lost in life and totally alone without my one and only ever true love.

love and strength to all 

Paul xx

I guess these thoughts will always came back now and then. My dear Jim was at home in his last days, I had stayed by his bedside night and day. One morning he was sleeping peacefully, I went to the bathroom for a quick wash I came back and he had died. It's upsetting to think he was alone I try and take comfort that he was sleeping and peaceful. I wish I'd not left the room but I can't change things now.

It’s odd isn’t it where all of these random thoughts come from. I find I’m having more and more of them. I was “lucky “ to be with Dave as he took his last breath so I know how that went - but now I can’t stop thinking about what it was that actually took over so quickly in his last week. He went from being “ok” to incontinent, hallucinating and bedridden within a week. Had it gone to his brain? Was it the infection that did it (they knew he had one but not where ir was). I know that it doesn’t really matter what it was but I can’t stop it going round and round in my head. So many unknowns 

Take care everyone 

Jillian 

Hi Jillian, I know exactly what you mean. I still think often about what happened to Sharon in a relatively short period of time. We were very lucky in that we had private health cover with my employer, when Sharon passed the consultant she was under called me 2 days later. He was such a nice man, always helpful, supportive, etc.. and he did everything he could to try and fight the cancer. When he called me he told me I could meet with him any time if I had any questions on Sharon's care, health, etc . Well some 8 months after Sharon passed I did meet with him and he was wonderful, answered all my queries thoroughly which really helped me in my struggles with grief. 

I just hope you can find some way to get answers to at least some of your questions.

Best wishes & strength to all.

Paul

Hi Jillybean74,

Your comment has really got me thinking.

My wife's situation was so dramatic too. From going into the hospital, after what was a horrendous night at home, to being told there was nothing that could be done was so sudden. When I kissed her, well sort of as we still were wearing masks then, in the ambulance in the morning, they wouldn't let me go with her, I wasn't thinking that that was the last night/morning she'd be at home at all.

It went from being admitted on the Monday to hospice on the Thursday. Brain was mentioned too at the time but looking back I must have been in so much shock. I did query it when in the hospice but really only ever got that the hospital had made it clear that nothing could be done.

All of our situations are all too sad.

WDJ

Tilys Dad,

Following on in regard to your experience with the consultant, I too managed to speak to 'our' lead one. It was though almost a week into things as he had been away. I was reassured by him that nothing could be done when he saw the scans and confirmed that stopping treatment was the correct decision. Whilst it was, as I say, reassuring to hear it from him, as he had not been consulted by the local hospital, my conversation took place whilst I was in the car!

I do sometimes wonder if I should ask for a final overview of everything, and even a copy of the records, but then I fear I'll just be even more upset!

Best wishes from me too,

WDJ