Hello

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I'm Michael, as you may have guessed from the username: I've been lurking here a little while, but this my first post.

My wife Mariana was diagnosed with bowel cancer at the end of July this year. She had an operation booked for mid-September, and appeared to be looking forward to getting it over and recovering (she'd been ill a long time, with hindsight longer than we realised). However, after a very bad night, she was taken into hospital in the early hours of August bank holiday. Despite the best efforts of everyone she deteriorated over the week, and was moved to ICU on Friday.

When my stepdaughter - her daughter - and I arrived on the Saturday, the doctors said they could do no more; they made her comfortable, took away all the other drugs, and we sat there with her until she slipped peacefully away at 17:05. I know the doctors could have done no more for her, and she would not have wanted to be kept alive for the sake of it. We're thankful she was in no pain at the end.

It helps to be heads-down in funeral arrangements at the moment. I have my stepdaughter to share the load, and my own children as well. She was very fond of all of them, and very proud of her grandchildren - only a few days before she went onto hospital, she was overjoyed to hear that senior grandson had passed all his GCSEs.

We had been married 25 years, one month and one day,, and she was "bookended" by Her Majesty's reign: she was born a few days after HM ascended to the throne, and died a few days before HM did.

I'm going to miss her.

MikeCharlie over 2 years ago in reply to Limo1

Well I guess it's some consolation that others are going through the same sort of thing I am, but I'd rather none of us had to.

It's been a bad day today, I've spent most of the day trying to get out of the house to go buy my grandson a birthday card, but kept being stopped by phone calls or emails to deal with - you know how it is I expect. Anyway, I did it, despite the choice being limited because Christmas cards are now in the shops.

Worst thing today was finding that the funeral director had put us in touch with a civil celebrant: no disrespect intended to that calling or its practitioners, but we did specify an ordained minister, being of a believing persuasion. Hopefully that is now being sorted out.

There's a whole spectrum of emotions, and now's the time we get a rollercoaster ride through them all. I find myself regretting rows over silly little things that seemed to matter at the time. I've also made a few changes to the household routine, and find myself feeling guilty.

And why is cooking for one so difficult? I was doing all the cooking for a while, and cooking for one does not seem to be simply a case of use half the quantities you use for two.

Sorry, I'm rambling; I'll sign off now. Stay strong. It's tough though, isn't it?

ellie 73 over 2 years ago in reply to Limo1

Being Honest, well that is how i felt,

I did not cry believe it or not, i had to much to do, which was his garden and shed, I had a purpose at that time.

I did not cry until coming up for a year, and then well, no stopping me, i did get counselling in the end, my kids kept saying that is what i needed, but being mum, they where going to be telling me what to do.

Then one day i phoned the Hospice and asked for it, best thing i done, but was my descion.

Yes the Winter was not nice for me, hated it, and did bring me down, so had to try and combat that, more books, jigsaws it helped,

You are really at a early time, all i can say, one foot in front of the other, then one day at a time.that is how i did it and used to say to myself, that's another day gone.

I still have his ashes here and i do talk to him, and tell him everything that is going on with me and his children, if that is right or wrong i do not know, but makes me fill better.

Always ask a question if you have one, i was new once, and some one was there for me.

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