This is a bad day

I'm starting to tire of being polite and have lost my filter! People and their normal lives make me sick right now.

It's been rough today, hence the ranty posts...

Sending strength 

I hear You too PBD7 If my sister tells me once more that she feels the same because she has split with her partner of 8 years (who she wasnt particularly nice to and moaned about all of the time )  I think I might explode. Me and Dave were together for 26 years and he truly was my “happy ever after”. 

I kinda understand that most people mean well with the platitudes because if I’m honest I probably used them in the past - before I joined this horrible club. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t drive me crazy.
I have one friend who does actually get it - despite never being in this situation - she was Daves niece (how we met) and although she misses him deeply she still gets that it is very different for me. I don’t think anyone else does. 
Take care everyone x 

Wow...your sister needs to stop...

It's nice you have a good friend who tries her best to understand. That's important and rare. Sounds like a keeper. As for others I'm not even going to keep explaining how it is, it's exhausting and I'm angry and I'm over it/them.

Take care too xx

Yeah she is a keeper - just a shame that she lives at the opposite side of the country- but even though she does there is barley a day goes by that she doesn’t check in with me. And she can always read between the lines in messages. 

It certainly becomes tiresome trying to explain to people. To start with I just kept saying I was fine/ stuff upper lift and all that. Now if people ask if I’m ok  I just say no not really - then they  don’t know what to say. Probably mean of me but it’s good to see them feel uncomfortable for a change. That make me sound like a real bitch doesn’t it 

Nope, I say no too. I'm not going to pretend to make them feel better when im the one in this hell. You're just being your true self. If they care enough they'll get it, if they don't who cares? Not your problem.

They can go back to their lives, we can't so be as real as you want to be.

As I’m reading this thread it’s making me cross, not at you lovely people in this club but how we all had ‘so called friends’ who don’t get it at all! Don’t compare our grief to anything you have experienced, it’s not the same, we are all different.

I’m only 9 weeks after losing my husband gorgeous Andy after only 18 days of marriage. 

I have become very honest, I tell them exactly how I feel, how I feel about ‘so called friends’ who suddenly want to come and see me - why? You didn’t bother while Andy was here and we moved away - despite numerous invites! I don’t care if I upset them, they are not true friends and I’m not running a free B&B! 

I have started a journal, I write in it everyday, I talk to my Andy, everyday how I feel and ask him questions- helps me get it out!

I’m trying to read a book when my concentration doesn’t go off on one, ‘it’s ok that you’re not ok’ by Megan Devine. She’s been through what we are all going through and in the first few pages explains about the silent part of questions, people don’t realise we hear!

Big hugs (cwtch here in Wales) to each and everyone of you in this awful club, you get it xxx

I completely agree with you. Isn't it sad how in times like this you find out who true people are.

I too have become honest and have no filter!

I hope your journal is helping you.

I'm gonna look into the book as others have mentioned it too.

Big hugs back at ya xx

Hi,

I still find the reaction, or non-reaction, of 'friends' and family fascinating. It's something we continue to discuss on here as it's such a common experience. And, the fact is, it's one of the most difficult to comprehend.

People just seem to disappear as if nothing has happened. Yes, their lives go back to their normal but what is it really all about?

I have a former work colleague, who I would have described as a friend over the years, who asked me how I was a couple of months ago. I said the truth, it had been a sh#t week. I have not heard from them since! How incredible is that? I fear it's not an isolated experience that is only mine.

Whilst I don't expect my wife's friends, who became mine too, to be asking every week it doesn't take much to send a text once in a while. Yes, I/we could do likewise but is that really the point?

Our world is a very strange place!

Take care,

WDJ