This is a bad day

Oh Owl

I know how you fill, mine is three this October, and this week has come with so many tears, and i have been a bit angry with him, for not being here,

As you say, for me stupid little things, they seem to hurt the most.

Yes Tomorrow is another day, i never thought i would be three years down the line, have i lived, no not really,  just going threw the motions, of everyday life,

Hope today is better for you 

Ellie x

My bereavement is very recent (8 weeks) and I am feeling a bit infuriated by well meaning friends and family saying that they hope I am having a good day or wishing me a nice weekend.

I know that people do not always know what to say....it just seems incomprehensible to me that other people think that it is possible to have a good day- as oppose to a better one as Ellie says above..when your loving partner of 38 years is no longer there with you.....in my case, after a short and unexpected diagnosis of pancreatic cancer that had spread to the liver. 

I guess this might be a part of the 'anger' stage....

I understand. I am very new here, my husband died two weeks ago after six month cancer battle which saw him suffer horrific effects. His family are from another culture where grief is different and I keep messages from them saying they hope I am well and feeling better and strong. TWO WEEKS!

This seems a very familiar experience amongst most who are on this forum. The unfortunate thing is that even though friends, family and colleagues are trying to be supportive they just do not understand how we feel and the true impact of our loss.

I've had a couple of comments recently about how they recall losing a parent. I lost both of mine over the last twenty years and they were 'nothing' - that is, in comparison with the loss of my wife this year. 

I started another thread about going on holiday a little while ago and I'm now being asked did I have a good holiday? Well, the answer is I had some good days but a good holiday? Not at all as I am on my own. Again, I feel it's a bit of a stupid question to ask really.

The other one I've noticed is about having a routine as 'it'll be good for you." Who says? I want to say I'll choose what's good for me but I've managed to remain polite - so far!

Take care,

WDJ

True, I keep getting messages and calls from friends even in this culture saying I should be going out and not sitting in the house all the time. They say I should be around other people and not alone. I want to scream that I need to be home alone, I need to be where he was and where he died, I need quiet and rest to process what happened. I will do this my way! 

And that is the only way to do it. How you/I/we all want to.

People just don’t get that being in the middle of a crowd of people is actually the loneliest place to be because the one person you want to  be there isn’t. No one, who hasn’t lost their husband/wife/significant other gets it. Which is why this group is so helpful. We are all here for the same reason and there is no “you should do this” “you need to …” “it’ll get easier in time” tripe. We all know it’s a little bit different for each of us but support each other regardless. 
Jillian x

Hello, How well I understand how you are feeling. About people who just don't know what to say. Or the stupid remarks they make. My latest one as Are you not bored? I nearly slapped her. Didn't of course. Left me angry though. I don't know how to handle these people. It is just three months since my partner of 37 years died and I am missing him so much. It physically hurts? Hate the stupid platitudes too, but am steeling myself not to respond in anger. It is all so raw? Thinking of you today. Hugs Fifinet

• When I think back to the life I used to have I recall some of the platitudes I used. I had no understanding of their pain and really did not want to. To know is to experience and that was for other people. Now I know. Now I hear the platitudes and feel sad. I’ve become the other people. I watch peoples faces as they struggle to sympathise without mentioning his name. To ask how are you and answer the question themselves with well you’ve got no choice but to be fine haven’t you. To say take care of yourself. We’re thinking about you. If you need anything. Such and such friend still misses him like that is the same. The eternal my friends husband left her for another woman so she knows how I feel. I smile and think I hope you never find out how much it hurts and I hope you will never become one of the other people. But unfortunately one day they will. I like your Voltaire quote. It’s true x

I hear you! It's like they think losing someone is like a break up! Infuriates me too! How is it possible to have a nice weekend?! Or a good day? People need to think. Its not our problem they don't know what to say, they should figure it out as I would and do when it's been the other way round in difficult situations. 

Clearly I came across this post feeling angry....

Sending strength