Recently widowed and devastated

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My lovely husband passed away suddenly on 18th June.  He was 5 treatments away from ringing the bell in oncology radiation department.  The treatments took its toll on him and he succumbed to pneumonia. I am beyond devastated he fought so hard to get through the gruelling radiation therapy.  We had been married 44 years . He was my life . We lost our only child in 2010 and we supported each other through this and built ourselves a little life . He retired 2 years ago and I was due to retire soon and we had plans to travel the world . He was diagnosed in February with lung cancer with brain metastasis.  He completed the brain radiation treatment and was almost through the lung radiation therapy.  I have good family support but I miss him and our son so much. 

I read a few posts on this site regarding feeling jealous of other couples and people stepping back now the funeral is over , going back to their lives and totally agree...Its a very lonely pkace to be . I just don't want to move on without him. 

I would love to talk to anyone who feels like this...its a club no one wants to be in and only those who are members understand. Please feel free to contact me I'd love to talk to anyone walking in those shoes...Blue heartBroken heartHeart️

  • I’m so sorry to read your story and agree that this is a club that no one wants to belong to.  It is very early days for you and the moving forward process has only just begun but please be assured that whilst you don’t ever get over such a loss, you do learn to cope.   My husband of 41 years died in October 2021 and it is hard to believe that it is actually 9 months ago because it seems more like 9 weeks, the healing process is still ongoing and I still crumble into a tearful mess at times, but it is less often.  Keep remembering and try to focus on the good times, we have years of happy memories to help us get over the bad ones.

    It is a very very difficult time for you but please be kind to yourself first and do things at a pace that you can cope with.

    Take care
    J x
  • Only some one that has gone threw this, truly understands,

    Its early days for you, give your self time and that is what it takes, though for me still goes on at times.

    I am nearly three years down this road, and never in a million years thought i would get here, its been real hard.

    Like you i was married for a long time, he was the other half of me, i did not know who i really was on my own. I kept saying whole am i with out him, every day he in my thoughts, in what ever i do, I know that he would want me to get on with my life, and try and make the most of it, though that is easier said than done, when you have always done every thing as a couple,

    I do have grown up children, yes it was their dad, though have their own lives to get on with, and i would not wish it any other way.

    We where a team and i was diagnosed before him, and he was the one that made me carry on, though at times i wonder why am i still trying, but i know that is what he would have wanted.

    Life is different with out him being here, but on reflection we had a good marriage, a lot do not get that, and i have loads of good memories, that keeps me going.

    Use this site, always some one here that truly understands how you fill.

    Ellie x

  • I can feel your pain. My lovely wonderful wife of 52 years died 3 months ago. She had Myeloma, then throat cancer. She had major surgery a year ago (total laryngectomy) which took her most beautiful speaking voice away a year ago. She lived through it very bravely but at the beginning of this year the cancer got to her lungs and took her away. I am bereft and devastated. She was the love of my life. I am carrying on by keeping to a routine and have the good fortune of being supported by a large family.

    I hope you have support from family and friends. Please write to me. If Macmillan allows us to talk on the phone, I will be glad to try and give you some comfort. Yes it’s a club we have been thrown into so we must support each other. May your pain decrease with time.

  • My situation is very similar. My husband had lung cancer and a brain scan showed spread which surprised even his consultant. Had a great response to chemotherapy and had radiation for the spread. He died suddenly from an embolism the week before he was due to start chest radiation.

    Neither of us made it to retirement age.  We never had children. 

    If I can be of any help I'm here for you 

    Look to the moon.
    Can't imagine any future without my soulmate
  • Hi Staffiemum and wildcat

    Your story is similar to mine and I know what you're going through and how awful and difficult it is.

    I lost my husband 8 weeks ago to lung and brain cancer. He was diagnosed last July just 2 months after we'd moved to a new house and had so many plans. He coped really well with the chemo and we thought he'd be ok. February 2022 they found it had spread to his brain so had 2 radiotherapy treatments. In May he had a fall at home, went into hospital and never came home again. Within 2 weeks he had got totally confused and was sleeping alot, I couldn't believe how fast he changed. 

    We would have been married 36 years tomorrow, I don't know how I will cope or get through the day. I just miss him more than I can say Broken heart

    We're all going through this hard  long journey together- feel free to message me if you want to chat about anything 

    Sending a  hug

  • So sorry to hear your experiences. I am 4 months away to losing my husband of 30 years to liver cancer. There’s an online group called Way Up which arranges social meetings and support to bereaved persons. It’s got quite a large following so there may be chances to meet with local people in this same, awful circumstance.

  • I lost my best mate my ,gorgeous husband on the 26th June, I am completely lost without him he had metastatic lung cancer ,a mediastinal mass that invaded his spine . We knew he was terminal but he died suddenly and the shock of his death has hit me and my 3 children very hard !  This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through and I don't know how many more of these painful days I can endure . I have so much love and support but I just have this heavy feeling in my chest that will not go away .

  • I am so sorry,  the shock and the pain of the loss is so hard to deal with. I feel like I am living with a huge stone in my chest all the time. I don't think we understand that grief and a broken heart can cause actual physical pain until it happens to us. I hope the days get a little bit easier to bear for you but it's all so early yet and raw. Nothing I can say will make you feel any better yet but just know we are all on here to support one another and we do know what you're going through.

    Sending hugs x

  • Hi

    I did try joining Wayup but they said they were "oversubscribed " online ? . Also I have heard they want copies of death certificates and utility bills? I understand they need safeguards from scammers but this seems a bit intrusive. Anyway I hope it's been good for you and you've benefitted from joining ? Have you managed to meet anyone through them for mutual support ?

    Take care 

  • i’m a member of Way Up and I didn’t have to prove who I am as you had heard.  you fill out an application form only. 

    I’ve met a few people and there are some 120 of us going away in December, I’m sure to meet some more lovely people.

    Take care