First year anniversary approaching, going to pieces

It’s the first anniversary of my Linda passing on July 17th  2022, for the past few days I’ve hardly stopped crying, it feels like it’s only just happened, this is how I felt then. Even the slightest family difficulty or feeling of being ignored, sends me crashing. Trying to control my breathing, and keep calm.

I was doing so well, or so I thought, actually felt more positive recently, now I feel I’m back to square one.

it can only be the first year anniversary coming up causing this. I have planned to watch some of Linda’s favourite movies in July, my youngest son said he will join me,

Mary Poppins, Mama Mia, My fair Lady, Calamity Jane. May remember sone others later, Feel it will bring me closer to Linda. 

Really never saw this coming Cold sweatCold sweatCold sweat I’ll get through this, I know I will, keep telling myself this is the price I am paying for the tremendous love we shared, so really good value Heart

 couldn’t stop crying, so watched Orville on Netflix, really relaxed me, didn’t go to bed til 4am. Been told not to mourn, but celebrate the time Linda and I had together, easier said that done Cold sweat

  • Totally easier said than done!

    Pete used to love watching, Gold rush, documentaries about the war, fishing, wild life. I cannot watch any of these, makes me so sad it is unbelievable. If l am truly honest it is because there is only one person that, l should be watching this with, Pete and he is not here anymore.Broken heart.

  • Just feel so sad, near to tears all the time. There is no cure, I am living for everyone else, definitely not for me Cold sweat

    Keith
    When you smile the world is brighter, you 
    touch my hand and I am a king, your kiss to me is worth a fortune, 
    Your love for me is everything I guess I'll never know the reason why, you love me as you do, that’s the wonder the wonder of you.
    Community Champions Badge

  • ArthurD, 

    The 'living for everyone else...' is a very interesting observation. I feel that I'm currently doing what is expected rather than doing what I want. 

    Take care,

    WDJ

  • This is absolutely what we do.  I have a "me" persona and an "other people" one which are wildly different.

  • I think that’s the one thing I don’t do, I am the same for everyone. No one is in any doubt how I feel, if someone asks , I tell them, probably won’t ask me again though Joy 

    Keith
    When you smile the world is brighter, you 
    touch my hand and I am a king, your kiss to me is worth a fortune, 
    Your love for me is everything I guess I'll never know the reason why, you love me as you do, that’s the wonder the wonder of you.
    Community Champions Badge

  • I know what you mean most days l am very tearful, when my sons ring up l just cry, l would not blame them if they did not ring me so much.But l cannot hide my pain, and at times l will be honest l am so wrapped up in my grief l do not always, think of how they are feeling. 

    I know what you mean when you say about people asking how you are, but why should we make out we are ok when we obviously are not.