Two types of HELL!

Who would have thought that here on earth there is actually two types of HELL!?

Mine and Pete`s first type of HELL! was finding out that Pete had bowel cancer, then roughly three years later lung cancer.

Then came the real hum dinger when Pete passed away in October 2021Broken heart.

Now the second living HELL! without himBroken heart.

Things are getting worse, l have times when l seriously do not want to be here, but l want to be with himSobSob. This is happening more and moreSob.

Who would have thought that the pain we suffer can be so unbearable? Being with Pete since we  was  both sixteen, and married from the age of seventeen,  49 years together still was not ENOUGH!Sob. I have lost both parents(dad when l was 17 and mum when l was 40) and siblings. But nothing  hurts, embolises me so much emotionally and physically. I have two grown up sons with families and they both have been fantastic, but they are not Pete.  Yes l know that we were lucky to have alot of years together by alot, of peoples standards today, but it is not until you loose your loved one, corny l know but sole mate: that truly no time together would have been long enoughBroken heart.

The saying "cherish what we have because we do not know how long we have it is so very TRUE!Broken heart

  • Neve,

    Oh my. I was with my wife not as long as you were with Pete but 29 years is not too shabby. How many years, whether 29, 49, or 1, if it's THE person is hard to take.

    I agree with the parents' comparison 100%. As hard as it was, it's nothing in comparison to what we have all experienced. Nothing. Others, family, friends, colleagues, just can't understand unless they have been through the same.

    I'm getting worse as the days and weeks pass but keep going. I know that a certain person would get very angry with me if I did not try and live my life as best I can. Although, when I say live, survive is probably more accurate. That is all we all can do, the best we can.

    I've even been getting upset with my screensaver on my phone. Finally found an image that I can cope with and it brings back memories of such a happy day - even though it was so wet we had to buy new clothes as we were away from home for the day! It was hilarious when the two of us walked into the shop drenched!

    The cliche that we will have good days and bad days is simply the truth. You will get through this as long as you know you're trying your best. It's what 'they' would expect from us all.

    Remember that you are not alone. We all have to take some comfort from that. It's like being a member in an invisible club.

    I hope that this reads as it does in my mind.

    Take care.


  • Hello

    I am so sorry to read your post, I know exactly how you feel, there are really no adequate words to describe the immeasurable pain and suffering we experience. I am 11 months, and now going through what I did when Linda first passed, the first anniversary is going to be really tough.

    I sometimes feel that I am just living my life for others, it’s certainly not for me Cold sweatScreamCold sweat

    Wishing you all the strength possible.

    When you smile the world is brighter, you 
    touch my hand and I am a king, your kiss to me is worth a fortune, 
    Your love for me is everything I guess I'll never know the reason why, you love me as you do, that’s the wonder the wonder of you.
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  • Hi WDI

    Thank you for your reply x

    Yes it reads lovely and it is lovely that we do have those memories :funny, annoying, happy.

    Most of mine at the moment seem to focus on when we first met and our courting years, why l do not know but there is something there that seems to draw me. Right at this moment l feel empty but calm. As l am sure you know yourself these feelings just creep up on us could be for a few hours or days/weeks on end. At times l do look at the emotional and physical pain l personally feel, is just confirming that we did have someone in our lives that totaly got us wort's and allx. 

    Keep safe xx

  • Hi ArthurD

    I totally get what you are saying about living your life for othersFrowning2Sob.

    I think my pain  assures me that Pete did existBroken heart, although the contact that me and my sons have had from Pete`s family  is NILRage.

    So maybe to them none of us existed?

    Still as my sons said" mum we loved dad, and no one can take that away, because he loved us too. He had a funny way of showing it sometimes"Thinking.

    What l do find is comforting to me is that as old fashioned as l am sure it sounds, Pete was mne and NO one can ever take that awayHeartBroken heart.

    Take care x