Good afternoon,

I been wanting to start a thread on this subject for a while, not just for me but think might be useful and interesting to hear your thoughts.

I find it surprising how many mention your parents or your other half parents and guess how lucky you are to have that support or maybe not in some cases.

So with some of us who's partners have died young, many I read in 50s then that not is so surprising.

Sadly my mum died when I was 11 (aged 48) and my dad when I was in my 30's ( aged 69)

Robs mum is 83 and is a great support but can't put on her and it's not easy losing your son, and often says it should have been her, not fair, wrong order. But I do feel responsible for her well being, but can't take that on as need all my strength for myself. So guess what I am saying I feel guilty for not doing more for her. Plus I still carry the guilt i not kept him a live, not noticing things.

Here goes tears are flowing, that's it for now.

Hope it ok to open up this subject for discussion.  

Sending strength to you all. 



  • Hello Donna

    it must be so difficult while grieving, to help support someone else, I need all my energy just for me, I listen to my children's fears, and sympathise and hopefully comfort them. But in reality, you have to protect yourself as your No1 priority, it’s not an easy balance, from reading what you have said, I am certain you are a very caring loving person, and you will get the balance right. It’s natural to question if we are doing the right thing, but I think generally we do.

    the guilt you feel is shared by many, I sometimes feel I should have done more to keep Linda alive, it’s only natural but I feel, we all do our very best for our partners, and the feelings are just natural doubt about our possible inactions.

    sending you strength x

    When you smile the world is brighter, you 
    touch my hand and I am a king, your kiss to me is worth a fortune, 
    Your love for me is everything I guess I'll never know the reason why, you love me as you do, that’s the wonder the wonder of you.
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  • Hi

    Did Rob have any brothers or sisters?

    I can totally understand when people say that a child should never go before a parent, but the world is just not that kind.

    Also and this is my personal thinking, that sometimes we take or try to take on the responsibilities of our loved ones. I am not saying if that is right or wrong as both me and Pete lost our parents relatively young compared to others. But it can be for want of a better word a burden, as not only are you trying to adjust if that is the right word, to the loss of your partner, soul mate x. You are trying to do what we think our loved ones would do, also probably if l am totally honest what we would hope someone would do for us. xx

  • Thanks Neve,

    Yes Rob's has siblings, they all have their role, Rob was the doer, paperwork, insurance ect, the practical one. We all miss him dearly.

    I think your right about the "doing" for our loved ones, I am worried about when that ends, all though it is nearly 18 months since Rob died the solicitor is on a go slow.

    Not sure about everyone else, but isn't it harder, if that is possible when your not well yourself, I am having some tests but feel it has brought everything back, walking into the Drs or hospital, been told "you been through alot no wonder you don't feel well" or me minimising things as not anything like Rob went through.

    I waffling again.

    Take care


  • I know exactly what you are saying, l found a lump in my breast about 4 months ago, and had to go th same hospital that Pete was under for his cancer and treatment. A s soon as my son entered the hospital area the tears started to flow, as this was the first time l had been there since the oncologist: told us that he had between 2-12 months to live. That was on the 4th October 2021 and he died on the 17th October 2021.

    I know what you mean though it is as if it does not matter what our illness, ailments are they could never be considered in the same way, as this TERRIBLE DISEAS!.

    Wishing you good healthHeart