Haven't heard from some

Sorry if this has come up twice. I thought I had posted it but maybe not.

I'm a bit taken aback that I haven't heard from some family and friends that I'd have sort of expected to. It's been more than three weeks since the funeral and some of the family members, in particular, are close. I'm not looking for support, as such, from them and I know they will be suffering themselves, but I just thought I'd have received some sort of 'How are you?' communication.

Has anyone experienced something similar?

WDJ

  • oh yes, i’ve come to realise that people probably did mean to keep in contact but they are don’t know really what to say and react around us.  Only somebody who has gone through this heartbreak can understand. It’s 1000 times worse than losing parents siblings and I’ve had that. 

    I haven’t heard a word from Robs parents, sisters and some cousins since the funeral.  To be honest my family have been on the missing list to.  But the people who have been there for me are the ones I am thankful for and to me they are true friends.

    i am also guilty in not keeping in contact with some people but as I said in another thread, people ask how am I, i think do they really want to know the truth?  I’m hurting, I miss my husband so much it physically hurts sometimes.  They wouldn’t know how to react so it’s actually easier not to be in contact. 

  • You're right, the ones who ask and have been in contact are the true ones who care.

    I've been asked out by friends of us both a couple of times but I can't face being the only one on my own. I fear if I go for a meal with them I'll fall apart!

  • All i can say is bite the bullet, at some stage you are going to go out with couples.  I went on holiday recently with 2 couples and it was fine.  I spent a lot of time with them but also spent time alone on my verandah, reading and sunbathing it.  I was dreading it but thought i’m going to have to do it sometime so as one of my friends says, put my big girls pants on and went with the flow !.

  • Absolutely, I was discussing this with my eldest daughter, been a year since my Linda passed. I have had one visit from her, 2-3 from my eldest son, none from my youngest daughter, and not a single person from the community or church, that Linda was so involved with. I truly feel abandoned and unloved. I also am not looking for support, just some belief that someone cares about me, sounds sad does t it ? But with no friends, it’s very lonely, I can go 2-3 days without talking to a soul, we wattsapp, but it’s not the same. Luckily my youngest Son from my second marriage comes round every 3 days for dinner a movie and a game or two, would be so lost without him. My told my eldest daughter if her mum was still here, it would be like Piccadilly Circus as it was before. She replied How special her mum was to her, loads of examples etc. But I know already how wonderful my Linda was, a very very special lady, and I am grieving heavily. I lived with her 24/7 we were virtually One Person. But I don’t think they truly get how much I hurt, I don’t make any secrets about it. But nothing changes. It’s the same with Linda’s church friends, haven’t seen any for a year, maybe they all feel uncomfortable and do t know what to say, I just don’t know. 

    I hope your situation improves, my life is very tough and largely meaningless, but I’ll soldier on, maybe God has a plan for me Face palm tone5‍♀️

    Keith
    When you smile the world is brighter, you 
    touch my hand and I am a king, your kiss to me is worth a fortune, 
    Your love for me is everything I guess I'll never know the reason why, you love me as you do, that’s the wonder the wonder of you.
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  • Hello

    i don’t think you ever know how it’s going to affect you, the family went out for a meal, a month or so after Linda had passed, it was in celebration of her life. We were all fine, just all very sad. But now I just  don’t know, I feel like you do. It’s so tough, I settle for meals with my youngest son in doors, I hope I’ll know when I’m ready, maybe in stages, I want to take him for a subway, and sit in the car with a cold drink. It’s not quite a meal out, but safe for now, then move on a bit further, think maybe it’s easier eating outdoors than inside.

    take care

    Keith
    When you smile the world is brighter, you 
    touch my hand and I am a king, your kiss to me is worth a fortune, 
    Your love for me is everything I guess I'll never know the reason why, you love me as you do, that’s the wonder the wonder of you.
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  • Yes, it becomes a very lonely life ….. I don’t think people realise at all how much our lives have changed, how suddenly we are no longer a couple and are sitting alone in our homes, craving company and someone to show they care.

    To be honest my son and daughter have been great, they call and they visit when they can and it means such a great deal to me, but my husband’s family seem to have forgotten I exist which makes me very sad indeed as he was very close to his sisters. 

    Take care
    J x
  • Sometimes I wonder what I’m actually living for, not for me, not at the moment, life is pretty much empty, my youngest son, is such a great help to me, he’s around again in 20 minutes….look forward to it.

    I sometimes feel guilty I didn’t help my youngest sister in law, when she lost her husband, just didn’t understand, how bad it was for her. Trying to keep in touch more, too little too,late, but cant change the past. Cold sweat

    Keith
    When you smile the world is brighter, you 
    touch my hand and I am a king, your kiss to me is worth a fortune, 
    Your love for me is everything I guess I'll never know the reason why, you love me as you do, that’s the wonder the wonder of you.
    Community Champions Badge