Our 50th wedding anniversary today & some Special words for my Linda

For Linda

I cry remembering how you cared

I cry remembering things we shared

I cry when I pray, there’s so much I want to say

I cry because we are apart,

I will always love you with all of my heart

I think of you

Every single minute of every single day

I think of you

In everything I do or say

I think of you

In special quiet moments when I pray

I think of you,

wishing you were here with me today

I say goodnight my darling my Linda

I say goodnight, hoping you can hear me

I say goodnight, because it makes it feel you are near me

I say goodnight, so that you rest peacefully in your eternal sleep

I can’t bring myself to write letters to Linda, but I often feel a strong need to tell her how I feel in verse.

im listening to 50s music at the moment, Linda so loved the 50s and 60s music. Makes me cry, but only because I love and miss her so very much 

Dear Keith,

You have written such lovely words and I am sure Linda will appreciate them. It saddens me that I really cannot offer anything more than words to help you through yet another huge challenge we will all face at some point. I hope you found the words you wrote helped to comfort you and you were also able to recall happy memories to ease the sadness.

very best wishes,

Paul

Thank you Paul

yes it does give me great comfort, it really feels like like I am talking to Linda. I am actually doing much better recently, still feel hollow and empty, an occasional cry, but generally ok. Seemed to have stopped worrying about my future, now miss Linda more than ever. Think all my effort was going in to how I can manage. Hope you’re struggling less, time is a healer, but can’t see me every being happy again.

Linda I miss you more than ever ️

Who knows how long I’ve loved you

You know I love you still

Love you forever and forever

Love you with all my heart

Love you whenever we’re together

Love you now we are apart

Hi Keith, 

Such lovely words I Hope you’re feeling OK. Im actually fighting back my tears right now, not sure why but I’m feeling very emotional and missing my darling Sharon so much. Today I returned home from a weeks break with my brother and his partner at a lovely remote farmhouse in mid wales, maybe because I have had company all week and now home alone it’s getting to me. I’m sat in my living room surrounded by pictures of my one true love and feeling so so lonely. I truly thought I was over the worst, but as many have said before, it just hits you all of a sudden.
Sharon was half Egyptian and consequently had beautiful large dark eyes you could lose yourself in them. Earlier on Tv I saw Shirley Bassey perform and suddenly I realised her eyes are so like those of my beautiful Sharon. I couldn’t watch and had to turn it off as it was just to painful, thinking that for over 5 years I had the joy of looking into and swimming in Sharon’s big dark eyes I was mesmerised, now they are sadly closed forever, and it’s breaking me big time

I’m off to bed to have a long breakdown and hopefully feel better tomorrow, But at the moment I feel I’d rather not wake up tomorrow so that I can be reunited with the only lady I have ever truly loved, and who gave me the most loving, happy, amazing six years of my entire 64 years of life.

Goodnight my darling, I long for the day when we will be together again and this time it will be forever, I promise X

Best wishes to all.

Paul x

Hello Paul

I am so sorry to hear how sad you are, I know how painful things can be, it’s so good you have such wonderful memories of Sharon, it’s nowhere near the same, but we must keep their love for us alive in our hearts. The past few days I have been so pleased. It’s odd that when I go to bed, say goodnight to Linda and turn the light off, I feel really positive about the following day, telling myself I’ll do this or that, can’t see why I’m anxious, bit of course when I wake up, it’s all different, I get a horrible wave of nausea, as soon as I see that it’s time I should get up, am improving, it’s nearer 11am then the 2pm it used to be. I have an informal chat arranged for Monday with my local library to discuss volunteer work, maybe I.T. Related or delivering books to those who can’t get to the library, won’t know till Monday. I just hope I have the strength to go.

going to bed now, just gone midnight, I do think of you, I know you are going through very much what I am, Linda always heard the cups chink in the kitchen, odd because when I called her, she often couldn’t  hear me, she always called” oh are you making tea, I’d love one” she was a bit of a teapot I miss her and love her so very much

take good care of you

Hi Keith,

Thank you for the reply my dear friend. Well today is another day and although I still feel a little down I’ve made it through. I’ve just composed a list of things to do today to keep busy and to get me out into the sunshine, and hopefully I will feel better as the day goes on.

Take care.

Best Wishes,

Paul

Let’s hope the sunshine, helps us feel calmer. I am also trying to get a few jobs sorted. I have 2-3 crates of commodore stuff zx80 Amiga books etc etc. Never going to use any of it again, can emulate all this in my ox if I want, inc my CD32 games. Plus I have a Russian tea set, I brought back from Kyrgyzstan in 2000. My son round at 6PM to help me lower them down from the loft, have to be careful till my hernia sorted. Also planning Tuesday to get the glass to repair Linda’s baby picture frame, been in my list for over a year. Have an informal chat with the local library about volunteer work, on Monday 3pm, so anxious about it, which is crazy. Keep moving forward little by little, it’s the only way 

keep safe

your friend Keith 

Hi Keith, I am so pleased to hear you are finally able to feel you can move on and take more interest in yourself, hopefully I’ll feel the same in a couple of months. At the moment I am trying to do more in the garden which I enjoy. After this message I will be going over to the crem to put flowers on the plot I designed for Sharon & I. Sharon’s cremains are still at home with me, but when I am ready to let her go she will be interred at the crem .

just had message from my brother inviting me over for dinner later, I will accept of course then I have company and no cooking for me. My brother is 68 and I’m almost 65 and we have never been closer. He continues to be my rock.

Good luck at the Library tomorrow

Take care and best wishes

Paul