Loss of my wife

Hello Andrew

I think that’s quite normal. I sometimes think I’m managing so well, then something triggers and I can’t stop crying. It can be anything, having a shower, doing some laundry, making lunch etc etc. all these things have associations with my Linda. I think it’s good that we can cry at times like this, it helps relieve the emotions we feel. It also happens with TV, I have so many series that I’m part way through, sometimes I just get anxious, for no apprentice reason, and watch something else, as I said I think this is quite normal, part of the grieving process. I looked at some old text messages I sent, a few days before Linda passed and had a meltdown, just can’t bear her not being with me anymore.

On a different note, if you want to add a new post, if you click on reply to your previous message, it will stay in the same thread, under the same heading. It will help others follow your journey better.

take care of you

Thanks still not use to this yet

Hi I sent you a personal message, to access them it’s the 2nd icon from the left at the top right of the screen, think it’s a speech bubble.

Hi Andrew, I totally get this.  After 16 months, there are still many programmes on TV that I can't watch as Nic and I used to enjoy them together.  One or two are ok now, but that's about it and I cry without warning at just about anything I see on tv.

Take care.

Hi Andrew, I can only reiterate what Keith has already said. Like others there are still many everyday things can set my emotions going. Sharon & I held hands whenever we went out walking dog, dining, shopping, etc… Now when I walk the dog and I see a couple holding hands I’m immediately thinking of myself and Sharon. Like others there are some TV scenes can kick it off and some programmes I just cannot watch, and those we always watched together are now a no go.

Sharons best friend suggested I try watching Ricky Gervais in Afterlife, I managed to watch about 4 episodes and would acknowledge Gervais plays the part of a bereaved spouse extremely well. However I haven’t watched further because the storyline always brings back too many memories that are to difficult for me to handle.

as others say the key thing is not to hold back your emotions, you need to just open up and let them out, for me it’s like a huge release and relief.

Take care & be kind to yourself.

best wishes

Paul

Hi Andrew, I think this is so common. It often happens to me, it is like someone has flicked a switch. It just needs a trigger and I'm not always aware what does trigger it, probably some deep memory locked away somewhere that is stirred by a simple daily action. It quite often happens to me when putting the washing out as I have memories of my LIn doing this when I have been gardening. It is nearly 7 months since Lin died and it is still a struggle some days. I have children and grandchildren, and they do their very best to look out for me, but nothing will ever replace my Lin. The sense of loss is possibly getting easier to deal with, but it is a slow and virtually imperceptible journey forward. I always feel like some pressure has been released when I cry, so I think it is an important part of the bereavement journey.

Stay strong.

Derek

Hi Paul,

You are so right about seeing other couples doing normal loving couple things like holding hands. I always long for the lost ability to do this with my Lin when I see couples holding hands or cuddling. I also can't always watch TV programmes that we both liked, it depends on the mood I am in but it doesn't quite feel the same without her next to me when I do watch them. And yes, I agree that we mustn't stifle our emotions as crying etc is such a release and I always feel better afterwards. As difficult as it is sometimes, I do look back at photographs of Lin and myself, of holidays, family occasions, etc., as they are good memories and it makes me feel blessed to have known her. After being together for 42 years it has been a very tough 6-7 months without her and I miss her so much, but I have to look forward now as I am sure that she would want me to make plans and get on with my life. It is so, so hard though.

Be strong.

Derek.

Our hearts may be broken but love will last forever.

You are exactly right Paul, there are a million things that start me bawling, sometimes hearing the microwave ping, is enough. It’s just shared memories, wonderful, but can hurt so much.

How are you doing Andrew

Over the bank holiday I had a bad on Thursday and on the Friday when I was at my step sons they had a few people over and it got to much so had to go upstairs and stay out of the way and had a long cry it's being around a lot of people I'm OK with small crowds of people at the moment