Can’t see a way forward

It’s 8 weeks now since I held my husband’s hand for the last time. I feel I should be getting better now but if anything it’s worse. I just can’t imagine the rest of my life without him. If it wasn’t for our children I might be tempted to join him. My life seems totally pointless. We did everything together since I was 17 which may seem unhealthy to some but it suited us. I am a very shy person and he was far more outgoing and could spark up a conversation with anyone. As I said in another post, our grown up children have booked a holiday for 12 of the family. I’m dreading it though I know it’s done with the best of intentions. I’ve been on antidepressants for a few years now but wonder if I should go back to the doctor. Trouble is if I up the dose am I just masking things. It’s so hard and I hate my life at the moment.

  • Hi, I am sorry that you feel like this, but I feel exactly the same. It is only 3 weeks since my darling boy died but the pain is getting worse. I miss everything about him, and everything around me is about him. I have grown up kids too and their grief is huge too, but different. I can see that.

    you and I and the other people on here have not only lost their life partner, but the whole life they thought they had. 

    i would happily join him, but would not actively do anything like that.

    The miss is huge, the pain all encompassing. Life seems bleak, but I have to hold onto the hope that my life will be ok. Not the one I wanted. But ok.

    sending huge love to you x

  • I’m so sorry for your loss too. It’s horrible isn’t it. 

  • I feel totally the same! My husband died 15 the April and I feel as if I am just waiting to join him. Slowly all the phone calls have stopped and friends don’t know what to say to me. It’s as if the enormity of his passing is fully hitting me now. I don’t work so there is no job to go back to. I certainly can’t contemplate starting a new job. I just feel so lost

  • It’s an awful feeling isn’t it. I can’t imagine how you ever come to terms with it. I have to go back to work on 30th May. It’s a new job for me as I gave up my old one 2 years ago to care for him. I’m terrified! I’m sure it will be good for me to have something to focus on but I’m dreading it. My thoughts are with you. I know how you’re feeling xx

  • Thanks for you  reply. Iota not easy. I have grown children that have just adapted to life without him. I’m trying to sort out all the finance and feel totally overwhelmed. Gods luck with your new job and I hope you get on ok.

  • I’m really sorry for your loss and completely understand your feelings with regards to joining him. Like you my husband and I did everything together and now I think a part of me died with him. Hopefully through time things may get easier xx

  • Hello

    I know it doesn’t help your emotions one little bit, but at 8 weeks I was a complete mess, had feelings like yours. Just couldn’t see the point in continuing. Slowly over the weeks I have very gradually improved, but it’s been 10months of sheer hell, only in the last week have I started to feel more positive, still hate this life, this awful reality, but I am less anxious, and feel more capable of managing this life. So although I can’t guarantee it, because at the moment, what I say must seem impossible, but I have experienced what you are going through now, and I can say that it does improve, the feeling of loss I think will never subside, the sadness will always be with me. But I know Linda would want me to be strong for her.

    please have faith. Not sure if you’ve phoned MacMillan, but someone there can offer support, or your GP should be able to help.

    thinking of you.

    Keith
    When you smile the world is brighter, you 
    touch my hand and I am a king, your kiss to me is worth a fortune, 
    Your love for me is everything I guess I'll never know the reason why, you love me as you do, that’s the wonder the wonder of you.
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