Four years and a family still under strain

So it’s a long while since I posted here - and today I felt the need to get a few things out. It’s four years now since Helen passed at 52 after a long illness that she never really full acknowledged the seriousness of - and so never really planned or said her goodbyes - no letters for my daughter etc - a part of me is quite angry with her for this and I wish I’d been able to challenge it more at the time

it’s caused untold issues and partially fractured my relationships with our 2 daughters 26 and 28 and her mum - all telling me what they think she’d be wanting me to do re looking after them etc. Things are better now than they were but if I hear one more time about feeling like they lost both parents and how disjointed our family is I think i‘ll either explode or just hide in a cupboard forever - feels like an unsolvable puzzle.

Good news is I’m finally moving out of what was the family home and moving area completely as Covid has changed my work pattern to remote - my daughters live away with work -I’m hoping this will give me a better place to refind myself and build something better for me and us all

id hoped things would be a bit more positive than this after things finally happened with Helen and 4 years on but it feels like it’s such a struggle a lot of days 


  • Steve, sorry that you are continuing to feel the strain. As someone who has lost a parent and now my husband the grief associated with the latter is off the scale and until you have walked in those shoes it is difficult to understand the level of pain it causes. 
    keep plodding on small steps & wishing you well with your house move xx

  • Hi Steve I lost my husband four yrs ago last month seven weeks after being told he had cancer.I wish things were different but a bomb was thrown into my family and we will never be the same.I wonder what my husband would think of what has happened to us.We are lost and all we do is lie and say yes we have came to terms with what happened but we will never be the same. I hate cancer and I hate what life is now.