My dearest Paul,
Four years ago today, at 8:15 PM, you died peacefully at St. Luke's Hospital in Dublin. I say "died" instead of "passed away", "passed on", "slipped away" or whatever Euphemisms we may use - I've never liked Euphemisms and my training to become a death doula has even reenforced my opinion that using them is not good, well, not right for me, because they only disguise reality, make it easier to talk about it in some way.
You've been on my mind a lot today - more so than on other anniversaries for some reason - and I want to write these lines here in the help that they may help some of the other widows and widowers on this site.
I still miss you every single day. I wish you were here with me, healthy and strong, that cancer hadn't taken you so cruelly, and that we would still be able to live the life we dreamed of.
Thankfully, I have learned to live with the loss and the pain of your absence. I have learned that missing you and moving forward in my own life is not a contradiction - in fact, I know moving forward is exactly what you would want me to do, and even though I sometimes don't know what I am doing here or where I am headed, I know you would be proud of me for trying.
With all my love, always,
Your Mel.
