Hi folks, I am new on here. My wife was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer in Nov 2019. She was on a regime of tablets which kept things at bay. Just after Christmas 2021 she started having mobility problems and was admitted into hospital about 6 weeks ago. After a scan we found out the cancer had spread. She wanted to come home and I cared for her at home with the support of 4 carer visits per day. 10 days later she was readmitted and became unconscious when she arrived at hospital. My last image of her whilst she was still conscious was her waving her hand at me as if to say goodbye. I stayed with her night and day at the hospital for 7 days sleeping in a cotbed holding her hand. The nursing staff were brilliant. She left me on the Tuesday and the next day would have been her 60th birthday. I feel as if my heart has been ripped out. She was peaceful, in no pain and listening to me saying how much I love her. We still not have had the services which is still about 10 days away. Each day is hard, I am crying when I think about her and when people mention certain things. I just realised today that when my alarm clock went off at 7:30am I just thought what is the point of getting up, there is no one to spend my day with. I have support from my sister but not the love of my life. We had been together for 41 years. I know I am not unique but I just needed to reach out.
Hello
so very sorry for your loss, there is nothing I can say to ease your pain, I experienced very similar, when I lost my Linda in July 2021. All we can do is keep going one day at a time, it’s the worst pain ever and I still find it very difficult to get out of bed, even at 2pm, don’t go to bed till 2am, just don’t feel tired, it’s a bad sleep pattern I know, I am close to tears almost all day, and just long for nighttime. Meals are a struggle, partly can’t be bothered but also reminds of Linda, every time I prepare a meal or make tea. I get some support from family, but I miss interaction, it’s so lonely all day. I just hope and pray in time we find the strength to manage better.
I am thinking of you & send you strength, please give yourself all the time you need, be kind to yourself, only do what you can manage.
we are all here for you whenever you need to talk.
Linda You are my best memory, You are all of my best memories
Hello
it really is impossible to have any kind of normality, you are managing better than me, I am lying in bed, at 2pm, dreading getting up and facing another pointless empty day. I get so anxious, even at the thought of driving, feel such a mess.
sending you strength, good luck with the plants
Linda You are my best memory, You are all of my best memories
I hope you managed ok at the garden centre, 1 of many first things things to do alone (or with your sister or someone who went with you)that you will always have done as a couple. It's ok to show emotions wherever you go, it's such early days for you and you'll have so much personal and legal stuff to deal with and you don't have to do them all at once, the bereavement teams at insurance/pensions/banks/ utility companies etc are very kind and compassionate towards callers.
I was told this experience of bereavement is much like the childrens book We're Going on a Bear Hunt by Michael Rosen, it's a lovely little bookthat we happened to have at home. You can find the video of it on YouTube but the theme is basically You can't go around it or over it ir under it- you've got to go through it, it's the only way. I never thought I'd make it through but I have made it to just past 2 years (Colin died 5.04 20) still have a way to go yet but do a headswap for work and swap it back afterwards.
We always said to each other to keep our standards up, get up, dress up, and never give up!!
happy new plants 
