Actually it is the ‘nevers’

That's beautiful xx

Sunday was my 59th Birthday and 2 of Colins lads brought flowers, wine and chocolates but they're not poets unlike their dad I have lots of handwritten love notes and cards to look back on! 12t was our 22nd wedding anniversary-13th my birthday then 14th Valentines

xx

Hope you have a good day today. My birthday, Adrian’s birthday and our wedding anniversary are coming up so think it will be an extra difficult few weeks. Just taking one day at a time x

today is my 64th birthday and I woke up this morning (as usual around 6am) and realised that this was another first and never ever would I get a card and present from Rob,  the last few years (apart from last year) we were on holiday for my birthday, we both love travelling and made fantastic memories (if i only I could picture him in those memories, but that’s another post).

only 3 more firsts to go, 25th wedding anniversary, robs birthday and then 1 year since he left me.

I seem to be counting down now.

Nevers are so awful.

Not a great day today

Think that Valentines day took its toll.  Went into work this morning and it was 50/50 if I turned around and went back home - permanently.  Went in strait into a meeting and gave them some home truths that have needed saying for a while. Got a meeting tomorrow with the Ops Director, who is actually a decent chap, but it could go either way.

My reason to be is gone, I am left with my hobby of engineering and if I don't enjoy it why would I carry on - maybe it's time for a change and just concentrate on money - going to be difficult as it's never been a priority, just as long as we could pay our way.

Hi Jude2

The Nevers and the firsts, who would have thought that these words could be so powerful and so heart wrenchingly painful.

Pete died on 17th October 2021, on the 2nd November l had the covid booster jab, really emotional, l told the nurse that l had lost my husband in October. It turned out she was one of the many nurses that cared for Pete. 3rd November my birthday first since my 16th birthday Pete was not there for me. I am now 65, then came Christmas/new year, then came Pete's birthday on the 7th January, then l found a lump in my breast last week Pete is not there to cuddle me console me, tell me that everything is going to be ok

Last but not least l had a tooth out by sedation yesterday and my lovely strong man was not there again, another first

Then in April 6th we would have been married 48 years, yet again another first l am not looking forward to, but in saying that  l am not looking forward to life without Pete

I know how hard it is. Sending you a virtual hug. Today, I am sorry, I don’t have the words to comfort you other than to say, take one day at a time or just one hour if that is too much, now is the time to put yourself first. I hope things turn out well for you.  

Hi Neve

I get that feeling big style at the moment, they are not there to hold your hand, wait with you ( not that covid allows it) or just be there. I am having my hip replaced in 10 days. Yes I have a boyfriend and he is trying but I am so sacred and unsecure. What if my children loose their mum too? Irrational I know but I can't shake it! I am no longer married and they wouldn't have a parent. I feel so alone now. Putting my son who is still only 22 as NOK hit home. 

I opened up to my boyfriend last night but sort of regretting it now. I wish I had kept the feelings to myself and just continued with my cheery smile! His son has performed another of his antics to keep us apart again. I was looking forward to a quiet weekend before the op to try and relax and now he has to stay at his dad's because he hasn't organised his house move. He waits til the day before to check he can have the keys and no he can't! Means he will also move just as I am having the operation. So who stands back, scared and disappointed, me. Is that selfish? 

I do hope that the lump is not as awful as you might think. We always think the worst but then things are only better then. I am one of life's pessimists I think. Have you got someone to be with you at all? A huge well done with the tooth. That is brave to me. I am needle phobic and a real scarry cat. Rubbish as a patient but hugely sympathetic as a nurse.

Trying to refocus and keep calm now. But finding really hard. Any tips? 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Jude2

Thank you for your kind words x l know that l am not alone in how l feel, but there is a presence numbness for want of a better word inside me .Am l protecting myself l don't know, but thank you for virtual hug it is much appreciated xx

Hi Alison

So sorry you are going through a bad time, children regardless of age can be really selfish and certainly know how to play their hand to get what they want.

Sometimes l think especially with men they do not really mean to be thoughtless, l think that they just do not know how to react to emotional things especially with their partners, yet they can be so strong. I personally think you did the right thing in telling him, men do surprise us sometimes they are quite resilient bless them:)

Good luck with your hip op xx l think that for a mother especially it is natural to have the worry of not waking up after an operation , and worrying of not being there for our children: as there is no love like a mothers love xx. I have a sister who is terrified any time that she has to have anything to do with operations for that reason Try and stay positive just try and think of the positive, that if you was not able to do things before eventually you will. Which is a bonus for you and your son.

There is still away that you can have a relaxing time(although l know that you will still be worrying).

Get your boyfriend to stay at yours with you, take that back seat and think of yourself for a change. Sometimes purely as a woman we need this (although  l have never been through what you are going through xx), be selfish for a little while it wont hurt.

All the best hugs xx

I feel your pain and heartache as no doubt many of us here do,  and l know that, that is no consolation to you xx

I have no words to help understand or to ease your pain, as l am going through the same. But please know that we really do know what you are going through. But no one can take away the beautiful memories that you have together, they are yours for ever and a dayxx