A couple of nights ago I went to bed missing my husband so much I cried (I haven't let myself cry much over the past 15 month)
In the early hours I found myself reading through all the old texts I still have on my phone between the two of us. Many of which, were written during the times he was hospitalised and no visiting allowed due to covid restrictions.
I found myself laughing as I recalled the many memories and the dark humour we both found at times during the awfulness of the situation...
A couple of examples:
The time my husband removed his cannula as it was 2 days out of date and he was fed up of telling the lazy and very rude nurse (who preferred to sit on her bum most of the time reading magazines), she kept saying it's okay just let the next shift change it.. After he called her to say what he'd done she then tried to put the same needle back in and ended up with blood spurting all over the sheets and ended up having to change them as well!
Eight hours after initially asking the same nurse politely to remove the VERY full urine bottle from his bedside table, my husband who was totally bed bound, was fed up of asking and requesting a new bottle as he was bursting to go again but was constantly being ignored... The bottle somehow mysteriously took flying lessons and the ensuing mess had to be cleared up by the same lazy nurse, much to the amusement of the other 3 men in the bay who had all been on the receiving end of her half hearted, disinterested attempts at nursing.
It was good to read some of his messages and cheer that he was able to look back and laugh even though things were so grim...meaning he was able to regain a little bit of control of the situation.
I'm so pleased I still have the messages from him...as I re-read them it was like the two of us were once again sharing a private joke together 
These teams would’ve played each either so On derby days only one of us would have had a happy husband 
I’m also still paying Daves phone bill. I’m not really sure why. I sorted everything else, magazine subscriptions etc, but that’s one thing I can’t seem to get my head round. Maybe there’s something telling me that he might need his phone to call me one day. Also I think I don’t want anyone else to be given his phone number. 
I still check Colins phone everyday. His phone had 2 sim cards in, 1 personal number and 1 that the number belonged to work but he used that most as his main contact for everyone. I cancelled the O2 contract but can still see his text messages 
His work number was taken back by the company and I can still see all his stuff on there too. His FB account is still 'active' and there is a way yo memorialize it, I just don't want to.
I haven't tried to ring either numbers for a long time now so don't know if it's been given to anyone else. When I did ring his work number and listened to his greeting I sobbed a lot saying how much love and missed him, somebody at his office will have picked that message up (
)!! I am still in contact with his colleagues, no-one has mentioned it thankfully.
Reading old messages is both lovely and sad but I can't stop doing it either Jillybean74 
xx
I've also dropped the odd bo££ock and liked things on his FB and even rang 1 of his workmates on messenger!! Norman got a bit of a shock to see an incoming call from Colin 
- he just said it was nice to see a familiar face 
!!! Haven't done that again...Yet!!
