So terribly lonely

I'm sending you a virtual hug.

How brave to move, but I understand the need to be near your sons. Covid has spoiled so many things hasn't it.

I cannot imagine the surgery you will have to undertake. The dentist is my worst fear. My husband had to accompany me, even for a check up. I wish you strength for what's to come.

I have undergone surgery on my thumb and missed my husbands calming influence.  Going through it alone is so sad. My sons helped me out but wearing a cast was very limiting.  I couldn't dress properly, and was not asking them to help with underwear!!! 

It's nearly 4 years since my husband passed and I feel his loss more than ever. I try to see positives but it is hard.

We, on this site all understand and keep each other going .

Take care 

I am near my sons but the girlfriend of ny elder son is pulling him away from the rest of the family and this is hard to accept. I am very afraid of the dentist and my husband always came with me niw I am going alone and when it is done, nobody waits for me at home.....I cannot stand that.

I am sorry to hear that your son is being pulled away from you, Gill was so upset that our sons gravitated towards their girlfriends families - me pointing out that we saw her family daily and mine two or three times a year just got me into trouble again.

Your fear of the dentist I can readily understand, terrified of needles, yet Gill suffered two years of being a pincushion just to stay longer with us - so I go shaking but I go.  Have you noticed that the fear is always worse than the treatment? I hope that's the case this time for you.

The only consolation I can think of going home to an empty house is that you have moved closer to family, I hang late at work, drive slowly home and visit the supermarket most days to put off the inevitable, our house feels like a shrine to Gill, can't change anything, pictures of happier times everywhere just bring tears to my eyes daily.

Good luck with the dentist

Andy

Hello I read your story, so sorry for what you and Gill have been through, life is so unfair! The dentist will a very long story and I am very afraid of facing it alone. I cannot stand looking at me in the mirror with a front tooth missing and there is nobody around, just hugging me and telling me it'll be fine....as my husband would have done. I need bone augmentation, tissue transplantation and lots of other terrible treatment and I am so afraid of everything. Sometimes I wake up in the morning with tears in my eyes and I cannot think of anything to be feel lighter and happier. I still dream of my husband sometimes and when I realise it was only a dream, I nearly have a breakdown. How can life be so very hard ? I cannot see any purpose of me living, I go to work, eat, sleep, go to the supermarket and then it starts from the beginning. This is an empty life. Yes, people tell me "Life is what you make if it' but I don't know if those people ever had to suffer such a loss in life. The fact that my son is "lost" to his girlfriend increases the pain because we used to have a very close bonding, until he moved in her flat. When I see them both,she always stays for hours in silence and I feel extremely uncomfortable. Asking her what is the matter....no answer ever came up. This is desolation pure and I am tired of people giving me good advice how to live and what to do. They don't know how it feels. Three and a half years have gone by but it I am drowning by these terrible waves of grief. I wish them to stop but they come and go. 

To a small degree I can understand the mountain of dental work that faces you, Gill lost 30% of the bone in her jaw and for the last 6 months it felt as though we were permanently at the dental hospital. The only advice I could offer is to mentally chop up the treatment, don't think of it as a whole procedure, but just today's appointment when that's over just the next appointment.  I'm an engineer and learned early on that it's easy to be overwhelmed by a problem, chop it up into manageable chunks that have to be done in sequence and you stand a chance by doing one chunk at a time.  Gill was the planner with the big ideas, I am a do-er who takes other peoples ideas/problems and makes them possible - my one step at a time mantra got Gill through the last couple of years (sort of).

I get the "what's the matter" question, if someone needs to ask then they can't understand the answer.

Lost, yes like a ship at sea without a rudder or purpose.  Was asked today "what's your plans for the future" my answer was to get up in the morning and try to make it to breakfast without crying. "No long term" - I can't plan as far as lunch an family are expecting me to have a 5 year plan!

Sorry but I don't suffer with loneliness, just the opposite, constant emails, teams calls and visitors - actually bought a motorbike (haven't ridden for 40 years) so that I can be alone.

Hugs Andy

Hi Holunder,

I am a similar time line to you. My husband Paul died in May of 2018.

I am so sorry you are feeling so terribly lonely. And of course the COVID crisis doesn't help that at all. You have been in lockdown again for a while, haven't you?

I am sending you a big virtual hug. Hopefully with the days getting longer you will feel a little better again and maybe, just maybe, we will get this pandemic under control somewhat more this year so that we can go out and meet people again.

Lots of love X

Ruby Diamond, I am glad to see you on here again, I was wondering sometimes how you were doing and getting on. Sending a big virtual hug! X 

Hi Mel

Still here,  but don't post as often. I sometimes feel abit down so don't have any spare positivity to encourage others struggling.  Covid and my recent surgery have made me very isolated. I've been off sick for 4 months.

How are things with you?

Hi Melanie, the fact is, I don't even desire to go out ! I have been in two relationships since I am widowed and I had to realise, that those men were only "empty inside" after their divorce, they called me with the name of their Ex....they didn't have anything to GIVE. I realised the full worthy of my dead husband more than ever and I got even more sad......so I decided to leave social life, I prefer to meet only women now. Through those men, I realised more than ever before how wonderful my husband has been, but he's gone. I had as I said, also funny and cheerful moments but now I avoid people and in the same instant I am longing for somebody, just for not suffering loneliness. Isn't that weird ? Second social problem: I am waiting to undergo jawbone surgery but I need some dental treatment before, I have a retainer in the front because I lost the front tooth, a lot of bone and tissue and I cannot eat properly with that retainer. At home, I just take it out....but outside the house, I don't want to be seen in such an ugly way !

Life is not fair.