Not sure why I am feeling so alone.
It is two years since Ric died, almost 9 since Simon died.
I had a hip replacement 13 years ago and Simon was with me and looked after me. Now I need the other one done. That is fine, fortunately I can have it done privately as I work for the Nuffield and luckily I don't have to wait long. The date I have been given is March 1st ( Ric's birthday and my brother's). I suddenly feel so alone. Full of what ifs etc. I know I will be well looked after and I am fit and determined. But having no husband and having to put my 22 yr old son as next of kin has made me realise just this!
Yes I have a boyfriend ( for want of a better word), yes he is good but his son is adding pressures at the moment! He was a very nasty when we caught covid and was awful about my daughter who unfortunately caught it first! It has really upset me and I am having difficulty discussing this with Steve. I don't want to appear critical of his son but he really is a spoilt little brat! They are now not living together and I had hoped he would back off but it doesn't seem so. Steve also broke a relationship with a lady because she had a lot of health problems and he was slipping in to be a carer. He says he is happy to help but I am scared of letting him and becoming a. burden.
My dad has offered a lot of help, including financial as I will only get 4 weeks pay. I have a few savings and need it doing so that will work out. My son has also offered this! Dad has said I can stay at his but I would be happier at home with my children. My children have been better recently at helping me as bending is a nightmare. I know they will do their best
I am scared of going to hospital alone! I am needle phobic, I have mainly conquered this now but last time I was allowed Simon with me. No visitors now! I work there so have to pretend I am ok.
I have a friend or two who will help too. But despite this I feel scared and alone. How do I get this out of my head?
Thank you for listening
Love and hugs Alison xxx
Hi Alison,
It's very normal to feel alone, especially in stressful circumstances. I remember feeling very weird the first time I put my eldest daughter as emergency contact for whatever form, but that's the reality of it!
It's been tricky for a while with your boyfriend's son, I hope that it can be solved soon (they're not living together, that's an improvement). I agree with Lynne and I know it's easier said than done, but your boyfriend is here for you. It's part of the assignment! 
it's not always straightforward and it doesn't mean that you shouldn't feel lonely, but you could probably reach out to him to be there for you?
And even with your Dad helping, your own children, a few friends, it's still very ok to feel lonely. We can just acknowledge the feeling and try to understand where it comes from to see what could counterbalance it.
When I'm lonely I tend to come here more often!
Keep us in the loop, I'm sure we can help each other with the loneliness.
Hugs xx
Antoine
You're not Antoine, I am. 
When is it? I'll send you good vibes. x
LMAO @Devin 
- aren't you 'Steve?'
Hope all goes well Alison x
