Can this community help me?

Thank you. There is no rain at the moment so will go in the garden for a bit later. How the craft bits open up new opportunities!

Good evening Jude2,

Just wanted to say hello.

It is a year on Wednesday since Rob died, I cared for him at home as he wished for 11 weeks.

After struggling through Christmas and New Year I now have the anniversary of his death. I have been revisiting the events of them final weeks and days and are really struggling. I am not sure if the care he got was good enough, personally I think it could have been better, but after a PALS enquiry I was left being told I should have asked if I didn't understand, should have asked for more help. But i never been in that position before, out of my depth, but did the best I could, all during lock down.

I just want him back, want our old life back, even after a year.

We didn't have any children, I have a few family and good friends, but I push them away. 

All I wish for us all is we get through them difficult days and hold our good memories close.

Love

Donna

Hi Jude. 
In a way so many of us have the same stories. I have a son and a daughter and I’ve tried to not let them see the hurt I’m feeling. I don’t want my grief to be there problem. We had two grandsons who were 18 and 32 months when there grandad passed away. I have lots of photos around and they each have a “grandad”doll so we still talk about him all of the time. Sadly our newest grandson was born just three days after Dave died so I too feel sad that they never got to meet. 
We all have time when we need a bit of support and that’s what we’re all here for- sometimes to give the support and sometimes to get it. I hope you’re feeling a little bette now and counting down the days until you get back out. 

This is our eldest grandson snuggling with his grandad (under his grandad blanket) 

Dear Donna 

I lost faith in PALS after I had a meeting with the consultant which at that time I thought was just for myself and my husband. A PALS rep and a couple of other hospital staff turned up and they recorded the meeting without telling me. I only realised when PALS sent a transcript. I have all my notes of his treatment and incidents but when I read through them I just feel devastated all over again so I have put them away. Unfortunately I know they are still there and like an itch you need to scratch I know I will have to go back over them again, just not today or tomorrow.
You are so right about holding our wonderful memories close. I know I was so lucky to have been loved by such a special man.
I hope it will be a less difficult day for you tomorrow.

Take care x

Thank you for replying. What a lovely photograph. I was able to FaceTime my grandson today which was the highlight of the afternoon. The grandad dolls and  blanket are a wonderful idea and one I may copy. Take care.

Hi Jude and Donna. 

I too have given up with Pals!!! I have been a qualified nurse for over 35 years and I am frankly disgusted with my husband's care at the hospital that I trained at and gave 28 years service back to. But as my dad pointed out, it wasn't going to get Ric back or change anything!!! It was just causing me anxiety and grief. So I dropped it. But I won't go near the place now! Luckily, I now work at The Nuffield and can be treated there! I admire Pooka for having the strength to keep going with it 

I think I am finally starting to feel less tired having got over covid. But I certainly get the isolation thing. I did go for a long drive alone (all windows open to blow it away! Lol). I just had to get out. I caught covid on the anniversary of Ric's death! 

Take care.

Love and hugs Alison xxx