Can this community help me?

Hello Jude2

Well done on your first post.

I'm so sorry for your loss,  can I say you should be so proud of yourself for caring for your husband at home. You say it was what he wanted and you made that possible. 

Being on your own after 36 years together will be hard but I'm glad you seem to have kept busy. That seems to be the only way we get through the days. 

I hope you aren't too ill and the isolation days pass quickly. 

Have a peaceful evening and I hope tomorrow you find something to make you smile. 

Take care 

Ruby

Hello Jude

Welcome to this site and just so sorry that you are feeling lonely today. You will always be among friends here who will listen  and support you when required. Everyone’s story will be different as we all grieve in our own way and time.

My husband,Ian, passed away 30 weeks today and it still seems like yesterday. We were married for nearly 40 years and he passed away within seven weeks of his cancer diagnosis. I still find it very hard to accept and come to terms with and just take each day as it comes. 

I’m sorry to hear you have covid and I hope you aren’t feeling too poorly. I caught covid at Ian’s funeral so I know how you must be feeling about having to self isolate.

Take care of yourself and keep posting!

Julie x

Hi Jude 2 

hey I would just like to say big well done for reaching out ! It is ok not to be ok ! Big hug xx 
it is over four years since my husband passed ( we were at home too ) for which I am eternally thankful for, as we wanted and needed this.
 I can honestly say there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t truly ached to be with him. We have two sons and now a granddaughter and although on the outside life seems to be moving forward - inside my life stopped the moment my darling husband took his last breath with us by his side holding him close . My husband promised he wouldn’t leave me and just as in life I truly believe him ! Although physically he is not here I feel him in every other way. I talk to him constantly and feel his love just as I did in our 38 years of pure joy together ( hey not looking back with rosey coloured glasses ) we definitely had our moments ! But honestly the joy, love, friendship and every other aspect of our relationship is still as close to me now as it has always been. I miss my husband with all my heart but love him with all my heart too. I am so thankful for ‘ our time ‘ I have experienced true love and still do experience this. When we love  our loved ones they don’t go away , within our hearts minds and actions they remain. Hope you get through today, please know you are not alone. Xx 

Thank you. I have a son and daughter who are lovely but I try and not be a burden to them about how I feel. I have a gorgeous young grandson too so I know I am lucky. He had a close relationship with my husband and still seems to remember him,  often making a comment about him. A new grandchild is due and I feel sad they will never know their grandad.

Thank you for making me feel less alone.

Thank you. It is comforting to see a reply and feel less alone.

Tske care

Thank you

Hi Jude

I have managed well myself until now but suddenly feel alone. I too have two children (22 &18), both are a fantastic support but they shouldn't have to be really. 

I too had covid at Christmas and the isolation got to me! Covid has left me tired although back at work along with the constant pain in my hip. I usually muddle along fine but have felt quite alone and tearful this last week. I can't really explain it to anyone, just feel desperately lonely! 

Hopefully it will pass for us both soon and you will feel ok from the covid. 

Love and hugs Alison xx

Hi Jude2

i know exactly what you mean about not wanting to ‘ burden ‘ your family! I try my very best not to show how deeply the devastation of our reality is but to be honest sometimes it has to be acknowledged if only for me to truly let myself’ ‘ just be ‘I have to let my tears flow if only to prevent my chest and mind from what feels like a volcano in the verge of an almighty eruption!   but this is usually whilst on my own in the darkness of this ongoing alien world I find myself in. 
you say you feel sad that your new grandchild will not know ‘ their Grandad ‘ I too feel this but honestly with all my heart I can tell you our granddaughter knows her Grandad and lots about Grandad , she points to his photo and goes through all our family just as if he was standing here with us ( which in every way apart from physically I am sure he is )

I too feel totally overwhelmed of the sadness of him not actually spinning her around or her not actually hearing his mighty laughter, the reality of myself standing at the side of a slide and not seeing him physically standing at the other side ready to prevent her taking a wrong step is one of many of my most heartbreaking moments but I have to be the nana she deserves and the fun loving, silly nana who loves her with all ‘our hearts.’

Just because he is not here physically does not mean he is not here, I feel so strongly his presence within and around me, maybe it is a coping strategy or me not being able to fully accept the reality but it helps me do one step at a time in the only way I can. Those we love don’t go away they stay within our hearts,  minds and every fibre of us.Love has no boundaries. 
The first time I saw and held our granddaughter I felt my husbands arms tightly around us, in my minds eye I see him every day and in my heart I feel him. 

I hope you manage today as good as you can, sending understanding and acknowledgement of the pain you are feeling xx 
 

Hello Jude2

I am pleased you have joined this community, but obviously not the circumstances that have brought you to it. I find it so helpful on here to just vent any feelings but also share experiences. 

Your experience mirrors my own in many ways, except my husband had excellent care whilst he was ill. However he did wish to die at home and I managed to fulfil that wish, although I had excellent help from the Macmillan nurse and local community nurses, as well as the GPs surgery. 

I too have been tested positive with covid (as of yesterday) and whilst I have no symptoms, I still have to isolate for however long I have to. I too am used to seeing my two daughters and two young grandchildren, almost on a daily basis (they like to keep me busy, which I like). I also had plans to meet up with friends this week, but no chance now.

I do feel lonely sometimes, its just natural isnt it? I try to keep busy by just pottering about, reading and watching TV, but finding I fall asleep easily, which might be a symptom of the covid, not sure. I have sent off for some 'crafty' things which should come today- the wonders of Amazon. I am not normally a 'crafty' person but will give it a go, needs must.

Hopefully, if you are covid negative after 6-7 days, you might be able to go out again, if you are feeling well enough.

Please try to keep as positive as possible, keep in touch with family and friends. A chat on the phone might lift your spirits a little.

Take lots of care,

Llamalover xx

Thank you Alison. I hope you are feeling brighter today x