Counselling.. is it a waste of time?

Hello my dear. For me counselling has been brilliant - it came via the hospice and I never even met the counsellor but it helped me so very much. Taking that hour for myself was really good and although sometimes I did cry mostly it was great  to chat about my husband, our lives etc. it helped me to make some sense of things as they arose. My counselling has ended now as she retired but I will have more as and when I feel I need it. 
Pooka if you do cry just let it happen - there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

June xx

Pooka,

Nothing wasted other than some time in having an appointment with a counsellor but if after the session you feel it is not for you that is also ok but equally you may get huge benefit from it. Agree with Will 6 nothing wrong with crying - let it out!
Take care and now spend some time on self care after all these big events in your life.

Tracey xx

Pooka,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I feel so similar,  it's that strange balance. I go to work and put on a brave face and carry on and then people seem to forget where  I am emotionally  and what Lorraine and the family have been through. Sometimes I've got people getting stressed over something trivial and in one case getting angry with me over nothing and I want to scream " I've recently lost my wife to cancer you fool" but I don't, I'm polite and just brew on it. I'd love to know if counselling works but I just feel that dealing with grief is ours and we need to learn somehow to live with it because it isn't going away. 

Sleeping is such an issue for me, 5am last night and still wide awake tonight thinking about my wife.

Please let me know if councelling helps x

Steve.

Thanks for your reply Steve..I too struggle with sleep 2-3 hours a night if lucky has become my norm.

I will report back after I've spoken to a counsellor.

Thank you all for your replies and support x

Hi Pooka,

I just wanted to share my experience with you. A few months after Gilles died, I went for counselling. I went to see a psychaitrist (because it was reimbursed by Social Security) 3 times and although some things he said resonated with me, he was definitely not the right person. About a year later, after moving to a different country, I saw a psychologist. I mostly cried during the first weeks but, little by little, I was able to talk through some things: the regrets, the pain, the fears, the traumatic times. I found myself in a place far from anything familiar, with no friends or family around and I needed to speak openly to someone.

The first session may or not go well but I would suggesting pushing through and trying one or two more. Very often, it depends on the person and how you feel with them. Other people who had had counselling before told me that I might not neceassarily find the right person the first time and it was true. It's not easy opening up to a complete stranger about our lives but expressing pain is universal and that's what I started with. So, give it a go. It can't hurt and if it's not for you, just stop. Hope you let us know what you've decided.

Take care of yourself.

Thank you Limbo for taking the time to reply with your personal experience.  I will definitely be open to chatting initially when the counsellor rings me and will take it from there.

xx

Hi i had counseling, threw the hospice hubby was in.

For me it helped me so much by the way my counsellor explained things in a different way, BUT you have to click with your counsellor and we did right from the start,, she let me e me, i cried, i laughed, i got angry, i even swore, to her regarding different situations, she let me be me, with every emotions that was concurring when she asked me different questions.  She helped me to slowly move forward in a different light.

You have nothing to lose, but if you do not fill at ease from the start then that is not the right one for you, and you can ask for another.

Take Care Ellie x

I feel the same, I’ve held it in now for over a year, putting on a brave, coping face because I can’t bear to let the feelings in. I still feel like crying whenever I have to mention my loss, I feel its time for me to try counselling although I think I’ll find it so hard to put my feelings out there for someone else to deal with. I have friends I can speak to and they do,listen, but I don’t want to be a burden on anyone.

I have never had counseling. I tried to get it after my first husband died but couldn't access it and because we had just split up, no one thought I needed it. I know deep down I did. I think when Ric died I eventually grieved Simon rather than Ric.

I have found that I am really just angry about Ric really. He never treated me well as he was often drunk! There was no acknowledgment until a month before he died. It was a futile apology really. But I still cared and did things for him and I don't know why except I am just one of those people. When I say I am angry, not that he died but because I took the rubbish for so long.

I stay busy but sometimes I get down and tearful. Usually sparked by something else. Covid at Christmas didn't help and I am still tired. My manager has made me take an annual leave day because she says I should have come back to work with just one negative on day 10. I thought I had to have two!!! I personally think safety of everyone was more important but it was one of those times I didn't have the strength to argue! I have also just been listed for a hip replacement for march. Luckily I can have it done privately. I am very grateful as my leg is giving out and the pain so bad I am crawling up the stairs. Work is hard!! 

Enough of my moans but I do think I probably would also benefit from counseling really!!!

Take care everyone

Love and hugs Alison xxx