Realising they're not there

Hi Socks 

I am sorry to hear about your loss. It is raw now and hard to.imagine things getting better but they do. 

I am not an atheist but I don't believe in heaven etc!! We once joked he would come back and let me know what happens! Guess what, he hasn't! But you do have your memories and that for me is fine. Try making a memory box. I don't get mine out anymore but it does help some of us. 

One day at a time is a cliché but there is some truth in it and it does get easier or we just deal with it! 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Socks113, I can relate to your post very well.My husband died in November also and I am not religious in any way.I find it very difficult to come to terms with the fact that all I have left of Gareth physically is a box of ashes. I have lovely memories,photos and videos but I can’t comprehend that he is just not here any more. I think I will benefit from some type of counselling to try to get my head round this fact.How can someone just stop existing?

hi, i am sure that my husband is with me, I do get signs from him especially when I need them so I understand what you are saying. They may not be in your imagination you know.  I know some people scoff at signs but I firmly believe that Rob is sending me feathers.

Its so hard in an empty house, I have found that I don’t watch programs that we watched together, i have only been to watch Chelsea once (and I have a season ticket) and I just find it hard to do anything we loved to do together, I am sure it will come back.

With all of us, we are taking one step at a time, some days they are baby steps and other big strides. If we need to cry we do, my counsellor tells me to let it out and dont bottle up, easier said than done though sometimes.

Take care

Glenis 

Hello Socks113

its very hard isn’t it, coming to terms with the fact that they are gone, that they won’t be coming home … my husband died in October, we were married for 41 years.  He had several health problems and was in an out of hospital many many times over the years, but he always got over it, he always came home.  I had pretty much convinced myself that he would always come through whatever was thrown at him, but then he couldn’t fight any more and cancer took him in the end.

The empty house is the stark reminder, especially at night when you are so aware of their absence.  I have periods when I am ‘ok’ and then others when I am in floods of tears.  I am sure you ever get over such a loss, you simply learn to deal with it, and I’m also sure that we are all different in how long this process takes and it is still early days for us.

Hi

I so want to believe that my Linda is still around in a non physical presence, she said she would come back, if she could, and arranged a way to show me, but nothing has happened, Linda had a very strong faith and this really helped her through the tough times. I will continue to believe that she is around, if for no other reason than that she believed in this so much passion. I still talk to her about all sorts of stuff, as I would when she was still here. I joke about silly things I do, if ever I dropped something, she would always call out “ Are you all right?” Miss this and so many countless other things. This life feels so unreal, but I am doing the best I can, which is all we can ever hope for.

keep safe and well

The ‘little thingsz’ are lovely aren’t they? Lesley used to do the same. I’d forgotten until I read your post. 
i guess you could say that part of their presence is in those little memories. It’s not enough of course but it’s a comfort - and a beautiful, smiling comfort. 

It’s so lovely to have such memories, I usually have a cry when I do housework stuff, she was so so fussy, everything in the right place, I do my very best, but always reminds me of her very endearing ways. Take care 

Had a really bad few days,i think its because its new year iv got start sorting things out, it's 4 months now,had to officially register his death after all this time yesterday only recently got the post mortem results it's just going over everything again,and iv always kept marks phone charged up been spending evenings reading our phone messages not sure why just trying find the last text he sent me that made sense,the last time he said luv you babe, but his phone died in the night it was downstairs but it still woke me which I find strange,I'm not going charge it up again well not for a while anyway iv got to start letting go x

Hello Jayne

i kept my Linda’s phone,but just turned off, I have many messages she sent me on my phone, which I occasionally read, only because it does bring me some comfort remembering conversations . We both have IPhones. Each time Linda upgraded hers, I had her old one, by that time mine couldn’t  be updated anymore and ends up in a drawer. As my phone was getting out of date again, I decided Linda wouldn’t mind if I used her one, plus every time I use it, it reminds me of her, especially as I bought her a bright orange phone case, as she wanted something bright and to match her orange Kipling handbag. So I backed up her phone to my PC, before transferring my phone contents to hers, so anytime I want to view any messages etc from her phone, I can see them, I would have backed Linda’s phone anyway, even if I hadn’t decided to use her phone, as would be upsetting if everything was lost for some reason. Wattsapp history can be exported to an email. 

keep safe and well

It's very early for you and very raw, but hopefully with time and like you said yourself you'll find her presence in little things that no one but you would mention.

For me it was all the private jokes we had. I thought that all that was gone forever because I had no one to shared them with. We used to describe half the village as doppelgangers of french celebrities and no one could ever get those references. Then after a while (it's been 16 months for me) I realised that Juliette didn't need to be physically here. If I was thinking about that joke, then she would pop into my mind and that was enough. Everything that she has taught me, everything we've shared, is still engraved in me. She changed me forever, made me who I am, and our daughters are of course even stronger reminders of her presence. This heritage I want to cherish, to keep her alive.

And everytime I see a robin I think of her too. I don't know if she's visiting, but it doesn't matter because when I see one, she pops in my mind and is visiting me that way.

Take care xx

Antoine