Christmas meltdown

Hi Felicity 

Like everyone, so very sorry for your loss. 

I lost my soul mate and best friend 3 months ago and can't believe I'm living this nightmare. But I'm all too aware I have to...

...my Dad's just moved into a care home and we lost Dad's partner in April 2020, my mum in law in August 2020 and then Ian in September 2021. The 20s are officially a nightmare!

Don't imagine things will change for the better in a long time.

Maggi x

Maggi what a truly dreadful time for you over the last couple of years.

Agree we are all living the nightmare of losing partners with support be it from family/ friends/ virtually we will get through. I tell myself each day to put my big girl pants on some days I need them some I don’t 

sending hugs at this difficult time

Tracey xx

Your not rambling you have just spoken what I would say myself, I'm 3 months into this,should have been going out for Xmas Dinner only because it would be an easy option but covid has stopped that,so had lots of invites but I just haven't got the courage to mingle yet don't want to put pressure on anyone to babysit me,so iv chosen to be alone for the day,didn't help the coroner ringing me today with my husbands post mortem results he had lung cancer but in her words his final event was a heartattck just hurts knowing he suffered for so long and didn't even go peacefully 

Oh, Jayne, that's so sad and I know a little of how you must feel as I received a letter from Ian's oncologist about what happened to him in the final weeks and it broke my heart to think about how much pain he must have been in. It's the only consolation I can take from this nightmare that at least he's not suffering now x

Thank you, Tracey x

So I have just had the worst Christmas day ever not because I'm alone and grieving but because of my family trying to salvage the day trying to make it better,bless them they just don't know what it's like I tried to tell them let me deal with this in my own way, I know you all understand, until you lose a loved one,a partner that you had a real loving relationship and a life with you just cannot understand the loss and devastation and confusion it brings I wish I was stronger and I was able to hold everything and everyone together but its just not that simple x

Sorry iv just realised you all might have had a good day and I've just spoilt it so sorry x

There’s absolutely no need to apologise- that’s what is so supportive about this group. 
It is the second Christmas for me without Christmas- we’d been together since 1974 so last Christmas was very strange. My boys and daughter in law were here, but I don’t remember much about it. Think I was on some sort of robotic thing that got me through. I found New Year’s Eve much harder and spent most of that sobbing. 
This Christmas, my boys and daughter in law have been here again but we’ve had the addition of my seven month old granddaughter so I guess I’ve been focusing on making it special for her and her parents. Yes, I’ve had a meltdown or two- especially when I gave her a Memory Bear made from some of Chris’ favourite tops. But I’ve got this far and hope that Chris is smiling down and proud of how we’re all doing. But hell it’s still so painful and I miss him so very much. It’s exhausting and I still have days, 14 months on, when I just want to hide under the duvet. 

Take care, hang on in there and keep coming back here- there are people here who DO understand 

Sending hugs 

Jane

xx

Really no need to apologise for how you feel Jayne, let’s face it is just crap not having our soulmates with us. I’m very glad I have done something today that I have never done before & not given into the pressure of spending Xmas with any of my family.

Glad I have survived the day much love 2 u all Tracey xx

Hi Jayne and everyone, now the worst day of the year draws to a close I am truly thankful, This year has been truly crappy as it has for others, lost my eldest sister in Feb, my one true love Sharon in Oct and then my brother in law (married to my other sister who died some years ago aged 59) just 2 days ago ! I also could not face being with others today so did my Christmas gift drop off yesterday for my kids and grandkids. Like you I had several invitations to go to others but politely declined them all, I knew it would be overwhelming sad and miserable for me and so why would I want to spoil the celebrations of others. I took a sleeping tablet last night having stayed up late and then only left my bed at 11am and took our dog for a nice long walk and had a chat to Sharon, then spent the day watching TV whilst cuddling Sharon’s urn. As you all know it is really tough to get through each day, and I still miss Sharon more each day and the heartbreak is so totally overwhelming and painful. Boxing Day I have an open plan to go over to my brothers place after lunch and perhaps stay for evening meal, but he understands I may not be up to it tomorrow. This evening I cooked a cottage pie from freezer then treated myself to a Christmas pud for one.

I would like to ask if any others are beginning to feel like taking the route of isolation rather than socialisation ? This is simply because I worry and stress that all I do is make others feel miserable when I’m in company. Whatever I do, or try to do, it no longer has any meaning my life just feels completely empty. You know that the slightest of things can bring on the tears, just as others say seeing couples shopping, walking holding hands, etc… I get home and scream WHY, WHY, what did Sharon and I ever do to deserve this. I long for Jan 4th and the whole thing to be over. I know I really need to formulate some sort of routine to get through the week, but it’s like my mind is so scrambled I can’t focus on anything.

Best Wishes everyone, together I hope we can all eventually find the right path to some new type of normality.

Regards,

Paul xx