Simple things are so difficult and painful

Hi Alison,

For the same reason as you I have a dislike for Xmas, after I got married I used the excuse of my shift work to not join in with Xmas, Craig understood me and we had found a way together for me to enjoy the festive season usually abroad in Africa were it is celebrated but in a very understated way. I have had invites from family this year my first without Craig but I have declined and I shall be walking & having a picnic with a close friend who equally dislikes Xmas.

Do what makes you happy would be my advice

Tracey xx

You are so right, there is a pressure to enjoy Christmas, from social media, advertising & even friends. But viewing it as just another day, is the safest way, that’s how I plan to face it. Will hopefully be at my eldest sons on Christmas Day, just me him and his 2 grown up kids, should be a good day. Need to treat the other festive days the same way.

So you're the one who flagged it! I was confused when I saw yesterday that the thread was temporarily unavailable.

Yes I think Christmas is a difficult period for a lot of people, grieving or not, because of the social pressure. The ads on television don't help.

I try to think of it as a time to retreat with my daughters, and actually trying to embrace a bit the stillness for a minute while everybody is busy. Not always easy not to be lonely but it's all part of the process.

Going back to what you were saying earlier about the difference of griefs of a soulmate vs a brother or a sister or a parent, etc. We can't really compare, especially because as this forum shows we all have different stories and different ways to react to our loss.

I have found that while I was focusing on my daughters' mental health, people told me a lot "they'll be fine, I've gone through the same thing" or "I know someone close to me who lost a parent very young too", usually followed by a "take care of yourself too, that's something else", and it was almost worrying for me!

At the time I found that for them, losing a parent when you have 2 meant that life would go on still, because the other parent is still there. For me, there was no other partner and so much loneliness as a result.

Then I met someone fantastic (didn't work out in the end, too early) and I realised that I could potentially one day maybe rebuild a new life for myself with someone else to love, while my daughters would never be able to replace their Mum.

So yeah, no ranking of grief possible!

Take care xx

Antoine