preparing for the funeral

There is no escaping, the funeral is a terribly sad time. I spoke to our priest at our local Church, and he told me that my Wife’s spirit was now in heaven, and the funeral is for her physical presence only, thinking of it in that way, helped me realise the funeral was for her physical body only and not her Soul. It helped us see the funeral in a different way. We all had to manage our emotions in the best we could as individuals, there is no easy answer. I planned a reading, but just couldn’t bring myself to do it, so the Priest read it for me.  Wish I had more comfort to offer you, be true to yourselves and your own feelings.

Hello,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think everyone on this forum can relate to what you're going through right now.

Before my wife's funeral she was laid to rest in a chapel for a few days and my two daughters (15 and 11 at the time) were a bit unsure about going to see her. I was feeling a bit like that too. And we ended up going altogether and going back every day until the funeral. It wasn't her anymore already in a way but it was so nice seeing her body at peace once more.

For the funeral (non religious) the girls were asked if they wanted to write and read something, but they were stuck into very generic sentences that didn't reflect their tormented feelings at all. So I wrote something, they proofread, and we agreed to read it together. In the end I read it on my own looking at her almost the whole time and it was perfect. I have found the funeral to be a beautiful moment because it's a time of communion together to celebrate the missing one, and that helps.

Another thing we did is to write something to put in the coffin. When it was suggested I thought why would I do that, then I started writing and the words were flowing. Maybe your son could want to do that? to be able to express to his Dad his feelings?

I don't know if my answer will help but I really think that the funeral will be helpful for your youngest. They're heavy moments but they bear more significance than we sometimes think and allow ourselves to process the loss. The brain takes ages to understand all this (still not there yet sometimes).

Take care xx

Thank you. 

That was lovely.

we decided not to view my husband’s body as we were with him when he passed and prefer to hold memories of him as he was. For me, his body is a shell and his spirit is no longer there. Not in a religious way but as I’ve said to my son - dad’s spirit lives on in you.

I wrote about some of the things I will miss about him, for the celebrant to read and the words just seem to flow.

my husband's Birthday would be the day after the funeral, and we had already bought the birthday card from my son. I hope he can put some words into the card and hold on to it, and maybe make it something he can do as time goes by.

Thank you for your lovely reply.

My son was very close to his dad - like peas in a pod - his MiniMe!

im struggling to cope with my own grief and at the same time make his grief easier to bear. 

Hello

My husbands funeral was held during COVID times and so only eight people attended which seemed sad but as it happened it was lovely. We unfortunately have no children but my nine year old great nephew and his eleven year old sister wanted to attend. They were so very close to Gordon and loved him like a grandad. Both of them wrote messages for him to be read in the eulogy and with advice from the hospice we encouraged them to talk, ask questions and put some treasures in the coffin. We felt as a family that with us being such a small group it was a good way for the children to experience a funeral. On the morning William changed his mind so stayed with his nanny. Ruby attended and cried all the way through but chose to stay with me at the end for us to say a quiet farewell. Both children have talked about and to Gordon and they have done so well. I know your son is older but talking and  asking questions has worked so well for us - some of the questions have been very funny but needed answering. Like so many here on this forum I feel that Gordon is forever here - how can he not be here when he was  so very loved and loved us too?

The card is a good idea I think - I’ve  done a card for Gordon this year. 

Sorry to waffle on but I do hope you all are Ok and you and your family can find peace.

June x