So I have been absence for a while because I put myself in therapy after finally admitting I needed help to deal with my issues following nursing my beloved and soul mate through her journey who lost her battle in the 1/5/19
however on a positive I am through the other side and now in a new relationship (which I really wasn’t looking for) it started out as friends chatting and we have been together now for 4 months. she understands cancer having lost both parents to the wicked disease - her mum 5 yrs ago her dad 8 yrs previous to that .. she is understanding that Maria plays a significant part in my life and openly listens when I do talk about memories
HOWEVER - as much as I know I am ready for this relationship, being the constant analytical person I am .. I find myself lately asking questions and really I wanna know if it’s normal ? .. the reason I ask .. if I was ready would I talk about Maria ? Part of me says it’s normal as there are 17 yrs of memories .. the other your with someone new and it’s not appropriate to discuss ..
everyone has their faults - god knows I could list a hundred of mine (couldn’t tell you a positive though) but I am REALLY trying not to compare - does anyone get what I am saying ? Like for example just a random thing - Maria was almost ocd - our house used to look like a show home .. in turn even though I am a tidy person - I feel that’s raised the bar in my expectations of others .. so how hard is it to clean as you go ?! ..
i have so many questions going through my head right now .. I accept her for her faults but in the back of my mind I wonder if I have the bar too high ..
the other factor is that for the 1st time in any of my relationships I am the eldest- I am officially a cougar.. do I expect too much of someone 15 yrs my junior .. then I think we’ll no she’s 30 old enough to fend for one’s self ..
yes I have ranted a bit which I didn’t really want to do .. but needed to give examples at the same time .. am I just stuck in my ways ? Have I set the bar too high or is it that Maria had high expectations given her off and I’m comparing which again I don’t want to do
I have serious feelings in my new relationship- due to unforeseen circumstances we haves lived together for 7 weeks which yes is too early
I am a natural homemaker- it’s what I do - I like to make people happy
overall to sum it up I seriously am going out of my head asking too many questions and analysing too much and need help or advice - has anyone else experienced this is it natural to ask yourself all of these things when in a relationship after losing who you thought you would be together with for the rest of your life ??
