Hi Everyone,
My husband of 48 years died in August from a GBM grade 4 brain tumour. He had been diagnosed just over a year before. Previous to that he had been a healthy 69 year old.
We still had plans to go on more holidays and just enjoy our retirement, but that wasn't to be. All the way through his illness I tried not to think of what 'might have been' or I would have driven myself mad. I feel I should be grateful for the many years we had together and the fact that we have two grown up daughters and two lovely grandchildren. I sometimes don't though, just feel a bit jealous when I see Grandads with their grandchildren, out on a walk or whatever. Is this normal? Is there a normal grieving process? Some days I think I am too 'cheerful' and that people must think I don't care. I do, deeply, but I still have my life to get on with. I do wonder if it will all come crashing down on me, because I realise this is forever, not just for a while.
Sorry if I'm rambling, but when I have read other people's posts, I wonder if I am not feeling enough pain and loss. I have a very good emotional support person, who says I had anticipatory grief when my husband was ill. I also have very good family support and good friends.
I am trying to sort everything out myself - just had the living room (where my husband passed away) decorated and carpeted, to make it fresher etc. I still feel his presence in the house, in a good way as if he is guiding me on, but realise I can make decisions on my own and deal with most things he did. I've always been a practical person and think I can either sink or swim, I am just about staying afloat at the minute.
Just trying to get my feelings into perspective, sorry about the very long post!
Llamalover xx
Please don’t apologise for long posts, I sometimes feel mine are rather disjointed and rambling, but when discussing feelings / emotions, it often comes out that way. Your post echoes pretty much what we all go through. Can’t pretend I get any good days, just bad days and not so bad days. No idea how long this awful pain will last, I don’t want it to ever go completely, but the immense grief does take over and prevents us from having the motivation to do the simplest of things, and makes things challenging which shouldn’t really really be.
we had a Christmas get together on the 12th, me, my kids and grandchildren, at my youngest daughters home. It was really nice, everyone did their best, but of course it was tinged with sadness, as my wife and their mum / grandmother couldn’t be there.
keep safe and well
Linda You are my best memory, You are all of my best memories
