My Husband xx

Hi Jodie

Welcome to the community.  I'm sorry to hear about the recent loss of your husband.

You can take great comfort from spending so much time together and having those wonderful memories.  This would also have given him great comfort and made his passing more peaceful.  Your husband will always be around you and you need to talk to him whenever and where ever you are.  Even little things such has bad the weather is at the moment.  Ask him to support and guide you - he will always try to find a way to this.  Open yourself to any sign he may send to let you know he is near such as an unexpected white feather, radio / tv retuning or finding a long lost object of his.  Ask him to support you on Monday and to give you a sense of peace and calm.  He will be by your side in spirit and you will feel his presence and he will let you know that he is now at peace and all the suffering is over.  Visit one of his favourite places and talk to him there and await any signs he may send - if it's a local park, a wild bird may come extremely close to you.  You could start a memory book about your husband.  Include stories from all your time together, stories from any of his relatives and friends, lots of photos.  Include stories that are happy but also some sad ones to give a truer, balanced picture.

If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat.  You can use this link your area to find support near where you live.  This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential. 

Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.

There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.

This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back.  This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.

This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.

Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away into the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.

Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around

the corner .......

All is well.

Hope this helps, best wishes for Monday and sending you a big hug.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially at your age.  I don't suppose that there is ever a good age to go through this, but I appreciate that there's a greater shock to lose your husband so young. 

It was my husband’s funeral on Tuesday.  Like you, I was terrified. There were some points I was shaking with distress and my brother had to hold me tight, but, as LTT promised, some of it was almost uplifting.  The things that people said to me - the stories they told me of him, how much he was loved and admired by so many people - I felt so proud of him that that feeling dominated over the sadness.

Where you find comfort is, I think, very personal. I could only initially find readings like the one DaveyBo has copied and I found they made me angry.  Nothing wrong with those sort of things of course if that is what gives you comfort and carries you through.   I had Auden's Funeral Blues (made rather too famous by Four Weddings and a Funeral) as that really spoke to me, especially "I thought love would last for ever, I was wrong".  I also sobbed and stumbled through e e cummings' I carry your heart with me. Find what voices your feelings. 

This is a very long winded way of saying you will find your own way through,  supported by family and friends.  And there is a comfort  - even a joy - in making the funeral what you and your husband would want and sharing memories of him. 

Good luck 

Hi Jodie,

Firstly I am very sorry for your loss & that you are now part of this group. The group is a fabulous bunch of people who have given me virtual support since my husband passed away 6 weeks ago.

Craig’s funeral was almost 2 weeks ago and I had similar thoughts to you. I took the opportunity to visit him on 2 occasions in the chapel of rest and on the day I felt ready but was concerned about would it all go ok. Had I chosen the right stories to share with others, all of this evaporated. I travelled in the hurse with Craig to the crematorium, they took him in before we entered rather than following him down the aisle and the congregation left before me so I could have a couple of minutes with him on my own.

I had a humanist minister and the whole service was upbeat and celebrated accomplishments in his life from work to sport and shared with 200+ people. I felt privileged and proud to share his story and was his final chance to shine. The wake was also an opportunity for guests to share their stories with me I went to bed that night exhausted but content.

You will find an inner strength to get through the proceedings with the support of your close friends and family, on the day do what feels right and comfortable for you.

sending love and hugs to you for Monday will be thinking about you.

Tracey xx

Hi Jodie,

I am so sorry for your loss but glad you have decided to join this group as you will find help and support here from people who really understand and know what you are going through.

I am 39 now, lost my beloved Paul one week before my 36th birthday. He was much older than me so I always knew that he would probably go sooner than me but somehow I had thought that we would have more time together, I had even hoped that our love would help him to fight this cancer and that we would maybe have many more years because of that.

It is such early days for you. I hope you have support from family and friends around you.

Please keep posting.

Love, Mel