Christmas is going to be so tough

Hi ArthurD

What a beautiful tribute . You clearly were very devoted to each other .

What does strike me reading your post is your own awareness at the pace you are able to go at and the support you might need along the way .

You clearly have some very supportive people around you . Even if you only have some smaller decorations up it is still a tribute and you tried your very best . You are only human so be very kind to yourself too .

Take special care ,

Court 

Thank you, I will try to get the tree up, the increased AD do seem to be helping me. Was ok with driving initially but recently feel anxious about driving, also had a very small knock against another car in a roundabout, decided to just let it go, couldn’t handle the hassle of insurance hire cars etc, think the other driver knew she was at fault and was happy to oblige. My eldest son been driving me around for important stuff, will try driving again in a few days. Plan to put the Christmas tree up, havnt written out the cards yet, family  meeting up on the 12th so can swop cards, have a birthday and Christmas card for my Wife, can’t see me writing that out without bawling. Think I have accepted this is my life now, my new reality, doesn’t mean I like it, because I don’t, but have to start fending & making decisions for myself, We shared everything together, my soulmate and best friend. Thanks again for your kind words 

unfortunately I don’t think I will be visiting the church, have escaped Covid throughout the past year or more, plus I think with the restrictions Tuesday church services will be stopped again……did  hear Boris say “Christmas won’t be cancelled “

Hi Keith,

it’s only just over 6 weeks since I lost my husband, Martin, and I can understand so much of what you have shared. 

I had to force myself back in the car, I think the anxiety I felt was more about being around people, just looking at other couples was a stab to my heart, so hard to see what I’ll never have again. When Mart was well, we always used to go to the Christmas Eve service, followed by pizza at our favourite Italian, I know I can never do that again. 

Our daughter and granddaughter, live with us, which I think has saved me from a very dark place,  I have to make the effort for a 5 year old, Mart wouldn’t forgive me if I didn’t try for her sake and so the Christmas decorations are up, when the tears come, I just leave the room, and return when they pass. 

We have always loved Christmas, we have always done pretty much everything the same every year. I know he would want Florence to experience our Christmas every year of her life, so I will do my best in his memory and for her sake. 

I haven’t written any cards yet, actually hadn’t really thought about them, not sure what I’ll write.

You take care and as Court says, be kind to yourself.

 Another, Linda x

Thank you, certainly a tough time of the year. Was lovely to read your message. My youngest Son kept me from dark places as well, during my depression in 2003, he was only 2-3 years old at the time, spent most of day watching Noddy.

take care

Hi Everyone

Its two years now since i lost Tom, the first year i got threw just another day i kept saying, i tried to make a bit of an effort, its not easy as we all find out.

I put our tree up yesterday that was always his job, and have to be honest at times i was cursing him, he should be here to do it.

Another of his jobs was always wrapping the presents i hate that job, i was the one that did all the shopping for that he would not have had a clue what to buy, but today  i finished the wrapping, sellotape is a nightmare as i found out, and then landed up with tears coming down, i even spoke to him if only you was here to do it you always did,

Then had to pull my self together, and give my self a talk, think he would be happy at least i am trying to carry on the best i can and that is all we can do.

I am quiet pleased i can say yes i did it though not easy.

Its surprising what you can do, i have never been on my own, we meet when i was sixteen and  married 53years, so i do not know a life without him in it.

At the start i had no confidence that i could do anything without him at my side, i can but rather he was next to me, we where a team for a very long time.

You will get there one day at a times is the only way to go i found out.

In a few weeks you will look back and say i got threw it,

Take Care Ellie xx

Well done, it’s not easy, you should be proud of yourself. I hope I can put up our tree,  fingers crossed I can manage it.

It’s so hard though isn’t it. I think I’ve got through the last 3 years by putting it all in a box in the corner, not to be opened until I’m strong enough.

I’m still doing that, it’s the only way I can get through the day, then I see his aftershave, that he’s barely used, and I break down. This will be my first Christmas since 1974 without him. 
I’m really trying to say and do the right things but inside I feel empty. I think I’ll need a lot of time to pass before I open that box. 

Linda x

Hi

we never really celebrated New Year, watched the fireworks on TV, then too bed, of course that was when Linda was well enough. But  Christmas was always her magical time of the year, like an excited child, and if it should snow, there was no stopping her wanting to go out and explore. The last December when it snowed, I took her out in her wheel chair around the block, I was worried that a wheelchair may present problems in the snow, but she would have none of it, and off we went. Freezing cold but so so happy, I also always drove round the local roads, looking at all the Christmas lights, another tradition we did every Christmas. Will be so tough without her, want to be excited at Christmas but so difficult in these circumstances. Again whilst Linda had her health, we went to virtually every Christmas service at our local Church. It was a joy seeing her so exuberant and elated. I have some very special memories, which I will keep with me for eternity.

best wishes

Hi ArthurD

I can totally understand how Christmas is an added reminder to your loss, especially when it coincides with other important events.

Like your wife, my husband also celebrated his birthday at Christmas  and the very next day our wedding anniversary. 

The whole: Birthday, Christmas, Anniversary and New Year is all within a week.... I so wish I could fast forward a month!

I sort of wish that myself, but my Linda wouldn’t want me to skip Christmas, I feel I need to celebrate it if for no other reason than for her. Yes it’ll be tough, but I do feel we should celebrate Christmas and share with our past loved ones as difficult as that will be. There will be many tears I am certain, but I hold onto all the amazing shared Christmas memories of the past, hopefully that will keep me strong 

Christmas will and never can be the same, but it’s a time of Love, which we will always hold onto in our hearts for our past loved ones.

keep safe and well