Stuff

I honestly couldn't part with any of my husbands stuff for a long time.

It also made me panic. Over time I have recycled somethings, moved things off the side and into a draw, and cried over all of it. I have taken photos of things so I always remember his things and how they looked hanging in our wardrobe. 

I found it best to slim down things, the children each have a favourite tee shirt as do I, then we reduced the tee shirts to half. Then after a while we reduced that amount too. Ive done this with all his clothes.

I would say I do have too much left and I know if it were the other way round all my things would have gone and he would have a great man cave. 

Do not rush, it's been over 3 years for me and sometimes I need to open his bedside draws and see and touch his things.

Take care 

I have sorted some clothes but only the ones he hadn’t worn in years, can’t face doing the rest yet & I haven’t started anywhere else, no right / wrong time xx

Hello

Its 13 months tomorrow since I lost Chris. Like you, the medical stuff went fairly quickly but his personal stuff is still around, mostly where it’s always been. I moved his coat from the hall and gathered together his jackets for gardening (four, would you believe?) from the shed and garage and added them to his wardrobe. I’ve only recently put his shoes and slippers into his wardrobe too. I did start a memory box but found it too upsetting but intend to go back to that at some point. I also intend to have two Memory bears made- one for me (I collect bears) and one for my new granddaughter. I have just sorted out the clothes I want to be made into hers, so I guess I’m making small steps. I’m not worried about it- I know there will come a time when I’m ready to let go but for now, like Ruby Diamond, I feel I need his things to be there.

So take your time, do things when it feels right for you- whenever that may be.

Take care, sending love and strength

Jane

x

I haven’t really done much yet, Due to space I have put Robs clothes in storage until I feel strong enough to sort through.  A few things I threw out as they were his decorating clothes and were in a bit of a state! 

His glasses and sunglasses are all in a drawer with his wallet etc.  Shoes that were in boxes unworn I gave to Charity.  No idea what to do with his camera etc as he was keen to take up photography. 

Upsettingly I can’t find his wedding ring and 2 watches, I hope they are in our storage (with most of our belongings), I have an excel list of what’s in the storage boxes but doesn’t mention those and all of his cuff links.  All I can think of is I just added them to a box and forgot to add the the spreadsheet. Rob never wore his wedding ring as he wasn’t a jewellery person but I would like to have made smaller and wear. 

I  planning at sometime to have a blanket made from some of his clothes but u til I am able to go through them it will have to wait.

Understand how you feel, it’s hard to let go.

I seem to be the opposite to everyone that has responded. I had to put my house on the market very quickly after losing Mark which meant sorting through his things and getting rid.

Eventually, other than photos  his tools, his armchair and military uniform I condensed it all down to one briefcase.  In there I have his Royal Navy records, his many certificates for all the achievements throughout his 54 years. There a few other little pieces that meant something to him and/or me and of course his wedding ring.

Material items  such as his clothes will not bring him back, they were merely things he wore. Whereas certificates etc are things that he worked hard to achieve and although they are a mere piece of card they are important as they show the character and ability of my husband and record the many things he excelled at in his too short life.

Everything else was given to charity...

 His pot of ashes, my memories, photos and a few little items are enough for me to remember him and our deep love for each other

Thank you everyone.  It just shows how there is no 'right way'.  I think the gradual slimming down  concept Ruby Diamond describes might work for me.  My husband wanted me to move and I think he's right: everywhere I look, I just see where he ought to be.  But I think going through his stuff at the same time I'm moving could be just too much emotional trauma.  That won't be until the spring at the earliest though,  so will try whittling down gradually before then..

Hello Amanda,

This post as you can guess is dear to me, I have started to sort a few things,old paperwork hospital letters etc but I still don`t want to open 

Debbie`s handbag or look in her little diary, I know what is in there but I was brought up the old way with respect, am I wrong to carry

it on after my beautiful wife has passed?

I was about to wash one of her favorite old dresses the other day and I noticed it had a small hole, I know a lot of people would bin it

but I cannot do it. I will wash it and find a safe place to keep it.

This is a very difficult part of the journey, you are in my thoughts.

Stay safe and try to be strong.

Big Hug.

John.

Hello Pooka,

It does seem harsh possibly it is the description getting rid.

We all deal with things in different ways and I must admit I draw from your post nothing will bring my beautiful wife

back.

A material thing will never replace the person,if I had nothing to show for the last 22 years I have memories that

no-one can take away.

Stay safe.

John.

Hi Amanda, it's 9 months since Nic died.  I've sorted through the medical stuff and kept his stoma equipment bag with some bits in as I couldn't throw it all away. Its a reminder to me of what he went through and how amazingly he dealt with everything.

The thought of going through his clothes is overwhelming, but I'm going to do it gradually and give to charity.  I'm keeping some things that he really liked though.  I found about 20 pairs of glasses as he was a hoarder, but can't even look at them at the moment.

All of this is very personal and we'll get there in the end.  I'm not going to worry about it, just do things as and when I feel like it and if it takes a year or two then I'm happy to go with that.

I hope you find the strength to do it, but don't beat yourself up about not doing it.

Felicity 

Hi Amanda

Ian passed away 22 weeks  ago today and everything is how he left it except for two items, his wheel chair and a newish pair of slip on shoes. They went quite quickly as Ian would never have bought them if he had been well. The wheelchair went for obvious reasons and the slip on shoes because he normally wore trainers but towards the end, couldn’t bend down to put them on easily.

I haven’t even thought about sorting through anything else as they are his and this is his house as well as mine and always will be. 

Julie x